


All Roads Lead to Nowhere (Except the one that Leads to You)

by electricteatime



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Violence, DGHDA Big Bang and Beginner Bang 2018, Developing Relationship, Dirk is still a holistic detective but it's not as relevant, Doing the Right Thing, Gangs (mentioned), Guilt, Guns (mentioned), Illegal activity, Kidnapping (Mentioned), Kind of a Road Trip, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, That makes this fic sound way darker than it is, Todd Brotzman's Spiral of Self Hate, a little bit of kissing, a lot of panicking, moral dilemma road trip of truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricteatime/pseuds/electricteatime
Summary: Todd’s heart stops. Or it feels like it does because… that’s a voice. That’s a human voice. That’s a human voice that he must have been hallucinating. He’s been driving too long, drunk too much coffee, didn’t get enough sleep last night he’s just-“Bloody hell, it’s dark in here.”Nope. Todd scrambles to open the car door and flings himself away from the vehicle, stumbling backwards until he lands on his ass, staring at the car with wide eyes and struggling to catch his breath past the sheer terror that’s overcome him all of a sudden.This isn’t happening.***Todd knows the work he does isn't the most morally sound, being a delivery guy for a local gang was never going to to be, but the job is good, the pay is better, and no matter how temporary it was supposed to be when he started he has no intention of stopping now.Then a strange man with an even stranger name wakes up in the trunk of his car, and everything goes to shit.My entry for the DGHDA Big Bang (2018)!





	All Roads Lead to Nowhere (Except the one that Leads to You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's here! An explanation of why I haven't posted in a while. All 36k words of it.
> 
> First off, as is the nature of Big Bangs, this fic comes with ART! And it's amazing, incredible art, by the ever so wonderful [@Lynds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds) ([gold-from-straw](https://gold-from-straw.tumblr.com/)) [which you can find here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734625/chapters/36583377) (It will also be linked throughout the story, so you have no excuse for not checking it out and if you _don't_ then you're missing out.)
> 
> Secondly, a massive thank you to [dont-offend-the-bees](https://dont-offend-the-bees.tumblr.com/) for organising this whole thing (and being wonderful as I yelled at you about word counts, and well, everything else.) Another massive thank you to [intricatecakes](http://intricatecakes.tumblr.com/) who beta'd this whole thing last night for me, which is an incredible feat and I'm very grateful. To [superhiro](https://superhiro.tumblr.com/), for being a great person to cry over writing struggles with, and a great cheerleader when I was pretty sure this wouldn't get finished (I'm so excited to see what you do!) Also to [gold-from-straw](https://gold-from-straw.tumblr.com/) again for not only being a wonderful artist, but also a generally great and supportive person throughout this whole process. This fic probably wouldn't exist without any of you so I think we did pretty good!
> 
> A final shout out to anyone who liked, laughed at, or left supportive comments on my multiple tumblr posts about my agonising over this fic. I'll shut up about it now, I promise!
> 
> [(Also if anyone wants my inspiration playlist for this fic, it's not in any particular order but it's here.)](https://open.spotify.com/user/lovetheunkind/playlist/1SVEeaWDyk0FxlyjYEdHqd?si=Xm_i_fjrT5OXgHUwyDE6fw)
> 
> ***

There are a few things Todd's current job have that make it not too far from ideal. He gets to pick his own hours (mostly), rarely works a full week, he gets to travel, the cars are provided, the gas is paid for, and the pay? The pay is better than just about any job he knows of for the amount of time he _actually_ spends working. But then he supposes it has to be seeing as the work isn't, strictly speaking, legal.

 

If he's honest he's not entirely sure how he fell into it. After he'd been fired from his last job a friend of a friend of a friend told him he knew a guy who was looking for a delivery driver who could keep their eyes to themselves and not ask questions. He'd given him a number and it had taken three days for Todd to crack under the pressure of mounting rent payments and needing to support his sister, and he’d made a call despite the feeling that this could all go horribly wrong. He made more on that first job than he had in three months at the hotel, and no matter how temporary he told himself it was at the time, it's been three years and he's not sure he could leave now even if he wanted to.

 

It's drugs mostly, or so he guesses. Drugs and weapons and the occasional illegally imported reptile, because they seem to be well liked by the kind of people he deals with. He'll get a message with a time and a place for pick up, take the pre-packed car and drive to a drop off location where he leaves it, swaps into a new car that's been left nearby and drives home again. It's simple enough, not nearly as nerve wracking as it was the first time he'd done it now he's lost count of how many switches he's actually made. Todd has made a name for himself as the kind of guy who keeps his head down and doesn't ask questions, he's never once looked at what it actually is he's transporting and that's something they seem to like. He likes it too, when it comes to his job plausible deniability is everything to him. Is he really committing a crime if he doesn't even know what it is he's carrying? Logically he knows it doesn't change anything, but it helps him to sleep better at night. It also helps him get better paying jobs, or going by the message he's just received, _crazily_ high paying jobs.

 

**50k for one drop?**

 

He doesn't usually question it but he can't imagine what on earth could be worth that kind of money to these guys. They're all about saving where they can, and while they never exactly keep the paychecks low, this is ten times what he'd make on a really good run. He wants to make sure he's reading that right.

 

**You want it or not? Pick up’s tomorrow, shouldn’t be more than a few days, little more than the usual drill but I told them you could handle it.**

 

More than the usual drill doesn't exactly sound promising, he usually tries to stick to low profile jobs. It's a lot of money though, enough to solve a lot of problems for him and his sister at least. He's left the message on read while he debates and gets another message through shortly. Clearly this isn’t the kind of thing they want to take too much time with, and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing right now.

 

**Decisions yours man but you've gotta let me know now, if you can't do it I've gotta find someone reliable and that's gonna be a bitch.**

 

He nearly asks what it is that's worth that much money, what it is exactly that they're asking him to do. Todd didn't get this far by asking questions though, and with that kind of money on the line this is not the time to ask questions. He’s done enough drops by now that one more can’t possibly be that bad, no matter what he’s carrying he’s never been pulled over yet and if his luck holds this could be the best payout he’s ever had for anything in his life. He knows he must be missing something, that there’s more to this than they’re letting on, but Todd can’t think of much he wouldn’t agree to if there was enough money involved.

 

**I'll take it. Where's pick up?**

 

**Sweet! Knew you would. Meet me in the parking lot at ten tomorrow, gotta run down some stuff first.**

 

Meeting is unusual, it gives him an unsettling feeling in his stomach, but he supposes this is what they meant by more than normal. He can stand a few minutes of talking with his contact for a few days work. It won’t be a problem.

 

**I'll be there.**

 

***

 

The longer he waits in the lot the more anxious he gets, and he’s been here a while now having turned up before Ollie. His contact is perpetually late and it’s never bothered him before, but this whole situation is making him nervous. It’s the little things, things that aren’t routine for him in this job, the fact that they're meeting at all before pick up, the fact that it's so much money. He has to keep that in mind he decides, stuffing his hands into his pockets in an attempt to stop picking at his nails. It's a drop, that's all. A very well paying drop.

 

Ollie pulls up a few minutes later, tipping his head to indicate he should get in the car, he does without protest, feeling trapped in the small space. He does his best not to show it but the sooner he’s out of here, the better.

 

“Thanks for doing this man, wasn't sure we were gonna get anyone. This came in unexpected, but it's a sweet deal. Said you'd keep your head on about it, you're cool, right?”

 

Todd does not feel very cool. “I'll get it done,” he goes with instead, that at least isn’t a lie. It's a lot of money.

 

“Course you will, always do,” Ollie leans across to open the glove box and pull out a bag. “So listen, this one’s important, really big pay day if it goes down and you know how he gets if things don't go down.” The man they both work for is someone Todd has only met a handful of times and has no desire to meet ever again. “But uh,” he hands the bag over to him with a gesture to open it, “you might need this.”

 

Todd throws him a sceptical glance as he takes the bag. It’s heavy, not too much but more than he was expecting it to be from the size. The bad feeling sitting in the bottom of his stomach rears its ugly head when he opens it up, peering inside and nearly dropping it when he realises what it is. He’s not well versed enough to know the make and model, but it’s definitely, _undoubtedly_ , a gun. Todd stares at it for a moment, swallowing down the urge to open the window and throw it as far as he can, knowing he has to be careful with his reactions or he could end up looking down the barrel of one himself. Sometimes he forgets just how shifty these guys are. How shifty _he_ is? He’s not sure. Either way he makes sure to keep his hands steady where he’s holding it.

 

“Why would I need this?” His voice stays calm as he closes the bag, but his head is screaming at him. Ollie smiles and shakes his head.

 

“I know you're not a hands on kinda guy but,” he shrugs, “call it insurance. Not saying you will need it but if you uh, get into any trouble it should come in handy.” Trouble. He's liking this less and less by the second and it obviously shows on his face, Ollie frowns and leans in. “We aren't gonna have any problems, are we?”

 

It’s threatening, and for a moment his mind completely blanks. He forces himself to think about the money, to think about when their boss had told him they knew where his sister was in a causal way that was clearly still a threat. He's tied into this whether he likes it or not, over his head in all likelihood, because this situation is already making him feel far more out of his depth than he would like. Todd pretends none of this phases him.

 

“Problems?” he shakes his head, throwing him a smile that he knows he won’t question. “Nah, we’re good. It's all good.” Ollie eyes him for a moment longer before nodding.

 

“Good. Drinks on you when you get back and, fair warning, you _really_ don't want to get caught with this one.” He holds the keys out to him and tilts his head towards the nondescript car at the other end of the lot. “All yours.”

 

Todd takes the keys with a nod, swallowing down his concern until he knows he’s alone. Ollie leaves him with the warning to be careful, and he’s taken off before Todd even gets his car unlocked. He spares a glance towards the back, wondering what he could possibly be carrying. The thought that it might be weapons comes to mind, something high impact, something bad. Maybe it’s information? It’s something that’s very valuable that’s for sure, unless the client who asked for the drop in the first place is just stupidly rich and has no idea what the going rate is. He doesn’t think he’d get as big of a cut if it wasn’t something other people would say no to though, and Todd decides he really doesn’t need to know. He can’t feel bad about when he doesn’t even know what it is. Without knowing, it’s just like any other drop. He keeps that in mind as he starts up the car and checks the route they left on the pre-set SatNav, the route they’ve given him is just over three days but he has alternates planned in there as well just in case. Todd takes a moment to stuff the bag with the gun in it into the glove box, trying his best to forget about it before plugging in his phone and turning on some music.

 

Just a drop. He’s got this.

 

***

 

The drive takes him out of the city fairly quickly, and from there it’s just the road and the odd house or store along the way. It’s nice, he likes this part of the job. There’s something to be said for being able to drive all over everywhere and get paid to do it, especially when it’s driving like this, just him and the road rather than waiting around in traffic. He turns his music up a little, singing along to himself and taking a sip of his coffee, he’d picked it up a way back and it’s nearly cold by now but he’s not going to turn his nose up at the caffeine.

 

Not all drives are like this, some barely take a few hours and he’d once had a week long trip that had paid pretty well, but had killed his back since he couldn’t really leave the car alone for too long, certainly not overnight. A lot of them take him through cities and traffic, or more downtown areas, so he always tries to appreciate these ones when he has them, but there’s something he can’t quite shake this time that keeps dragging his eyes to the rearview mirror, checking the back of the car rather than what’s behind him. It has to be something big. He catches his own eyes in the mirror and rolls them, drinking down the rest of his cold coffee and tossing the cup out of the window before rolling it back up. He shouldn’t have smoked up last night. He’s being paranoid.

 

He’s  _not_ being paranoid.

 

Four hours into the drive, whatever he’s carrying makes a sound, and it comes so suddenly he nearly crashes the car. It’s a thud, only once, and he manages to convince himself he’s just hearing things and needs to take a break. It could just be that whatever it is has come loose and he just wasn’t expecting it. It could be any _number_ of things, really. They don’t pay him to worry about random sounds.

 

He’s just managed to talk himself out of his worry when it comes again, louder this time, followed by another shortly after. It’s too solid to be random, almost like someone knocking on a door. It’s unsettling, and Todd turns around in his seat to see if anything is amiss before realising quite suddenly that he’s still driving, swearing at himself and turning back to pull the car over at the side of the road, it’s not a good idea to work himself into a panic while he’s driving. Once the car has stopped he shakes his head, keeping the steering wheel in a death grip and telling himself to get a hold of himself while he closes his eyes and counts to ten. It’s _nothing._

 

 _Thud_.

 

It makes him jump. Not imaging it then, and he screws his eyes shut tighter as he tries to think about what to do next. Logically he knows he should ignore it and keep driving. If it’s some kind of device that’s making a sound like that it could be a warning, or something having been broken, in which case he needs to get it there sooner rather than later. If it’s an animal that’s gotten loose or woken up it could be more of a problem, but he’s done exotic pets before now, he knows he has, and he’s never had that problem before. He also has no idea what to do if there’s an awake and hungry lion cub in the trunk of his car.

 

 _Thud_.

 

He eyes up the back seat again, as if he could be able to see through it. Todd isn’t sure he wants to know, he’s never looked before and that’s with good reason. There’s no way to know what’s going on without checking though, and if it’s something that’s going to get him hurt he’d rather know sooner rather than later so he can get away as soon as possible. The panic is starting to mount in his chest now, he has to force himself to breathe normally because the longer this goes on the more of a problem it starts to feel like, and Todd already knows it’s not a problem he wants to have to deal with. The dread that’s making his hands clammy on the wheel isn’t doing anything to reassure him.

 

_Thud. Thud._

 

Todd wonders if he’s maybe going crazy, either way he can feel where his heart is racing, pulse beating heavy in his throat and he spares a glance for the glove box where he knows the gun is. Even though in some ways he’s starting to put this together, starting to work out where this might be heading, he’d give just about anything to remain completely oblivious so much so that he’s rejecting the thought entirely on any level because that would be too much. It would be _far_ too much. Instead he runs through all of the things he knows the people he works for deal in, searching for some kind of explanation that doesn’t lend any truth to the unsettling feeling creeping up his spine like a warning of worse to come. Like his whole world is about to be flipped on his head and he never even saw it coming.

 

 _Thud. Thud. Thud._ “Ow!”

 

Todd’s heart stops. Or it feels like it does because… that’s a _voice_. That’s a human voice. That’s a human voice that he must have been hallucinating. He’s been driving too long, drunk too much coffee, didn’t get enough sleep last night he’s just-

 

“Bloody _hell_ , it’s dark in here.”

 

Nope. [Todd scrambles to open the car door and flings himself away from the vehicle, stumbling backwards until he lands on his ass, staring at the car with wide eyes and struggling to catch his breath past the sheer _terror_ that’s overcome him all of a sudden.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734625/chapters/36583377) This isn’t happening.

 

This isn’t- this _can’t_ be what’s happening. There’s no way they’d ask him to do _this_. He’d done plenty of dodgy things before now, god only knows what he’d been dropping off for them sometimes but this? This isn’t in his contract.

 

 _Shit._  He doesn’t _have_ a contract.

 

But that’s not the point! The point is that this isn’t what he _does_. He takes routine jobs for middle ground criminals to make rent, pay for his sister, and blows the rest on weed, drink and gigs. That’s all. He’s not an idiot. Not enough to do something like this, the implications alone are staggering and… Todd could have done this a hundred times by now without even _knowing_.

 

No. No, he’d know if that were the case. They didn’t pay him this much for doing the same thing he’s always done. God, it was so much money and he’d just walked into it. Didn’t even think to ask, not that he ever did. It’s served him well before now. Maybe even now it’s a good thing, he doesn’t know if he would have survived asking questions about whatever the hell this is, they probably would have shot him on principle.

 

Right now though he wants to call Ollie and scream _what the ever-loving fuck???_ Down the phone at him until he gets an answer, or at least feels better, but he highly doubts he’s going to feel better about this any time soon. He doesn’t know if he’s going to feel okay about anything he’s done ever again. Somewhere along the line he’d fucked up _monumentally_ and hadn’t even noticed if it’s led him to here of all places. His life is a mess and he’s fucked himself over, he wishes he had it in him to be surprised.

 

Todd starts laughing.

 

He pulls his knees up to his chest and presses his head into them as he shakes, feeling rather hysterical and not even trying to stop himself, laughter turning half-way to sobs for a good moment before he realises that, even though it’s pretty deserted out here, anyone driving past would have a good reason to stop if they saw him. Reason to stop, reason to ask questions, any reason to interact at all is the last thing he wants to give anyone right now. It’s with that in mind that he pulls himself shakily to his feet and dusts himself off, before gritting his teeth and making his way back to the car. He steels himself because he has to. He has no other choice, not until he’s figured out how exactly he should handle this. He’ll work it out, he can do this, he’s always been able to think on his feet. It’s kept him alive this long.

 

“...and I don’t think it’s very polite either, there _really_ isn’t much leg room and I have an itch in my foot that’s driving me mad.”

 

Apparently his… _passenger_ hasn’t stopped talking, and he seems to be taking this surprisingly well all things considered. A lot better than Todd is at any rate. He goes to stand at the back of the car, hovering his hand over the release button for the trunk, but he can’t bring himself to push it. Not looking no longer means he doesn’t know, but it means he can pretend it’s not real. Sort of. Todd is good at lying to himself. If he doesn’t interact with this person they aren’t there. He nods his head to himself once, making his way back round to the drivers side and slamming the door shut. He can do this. He’s got this. It’s just a drop.

 

“You didn’t have to slam it so _loudly_.”

 

The longest drop of his life.

 

Fuck.

 

***

 

If he doesn’t talk to him, doesn’t know what he looks like, doesn’t interact with him, then he isn’t there.

 

Todd keeps telling himself this as he keeps his eyes fixed firmly on the road, music turned up deafeningly loud because he knows the person in his trunk, ( _god_ there’s a _person_ in his _trunk,_ ) hasn’t stopped talking. He can hear the murmur of his voice just below the music, and what he wouldn’t give to be able to gag him, but that means interacting, and Todd is _not_ interacting.

 

There’s nothing there. He just has to keep driving.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

It’s harder to ignore when the man is trying to talk to him directly, it leaves a sweaty, itchy feeling in his palms that he can’t quite shake off. Part of him wants to think of him as anything other than a person, something to make this easier, but Todd knows now, he _knows_ , and there’s nothing that will get rid of that knowledge no matter how hard he tries to drown it out with music.

 

“I know you’re there. Unless this car is driving itself, but it’s not because cars don’t do that yet and if it _was_ I highly doubt it would be playing _that_ music.”

 

Somehow it’s the insinuation that his music is bad that makes him bristle, and he almost snaps back before he remembers his own promise. No interaction. Right. The voice is quiet for a moment, before asking curiously, “I don’t suppose you take requests?”

 

Todd frowns, because of all the things he could have asked for that seems like the strangest thing possible. He’s been going over and over in his head how weird it is that the guy isn’t asking to be let go. He isn’t crying, or begging, or any of the things that Todd would expect to happen in this situation and it’s that which seems to be unnerving him the most. He talks a lot, and Todd hasn’t really been paying attention to what he’s been saying, but it hadn’t _seemed_ like desperate attempts to convince him of anything. If anything he’d sounded, well, _bored_. Todd wonders what kind of person feels bored when they’re locked in the trunk of a car going god knows where.

 

Being _taken_ god knows where.

 

By a criminal.

 

Fuck.

 

Is this guy scared of him?

 

Todd doesn’t know, but it seems likely, and he finds himself really hoping he isn’t, because if he is that’s just another thing to feel guilty about. Todd hasn’t done anything to him, isn’t technically doing anything to him right now, right? He’s just driving a car, he has no reason to be scared of him, it’s not like Todd is going to _kill_ him or anything.

 

He allows himself to wonder, for a brief moment, if that’s what’s going to happen when he gets to the drop off point. There’s nothing to suggest anything good would come out of this, aside from his payout, but he stops that thought in its tracks. It’ll do no good to dwell on what could happen, all he knows is what _will_ happen, and that’s that he’ll drop the car off like always, get his money, and drive home. Anything that happens beyond that is out of his hands, this entire _situation_ is out of his hands, he’s just a delivery boy and besides, its not like Todd knows anything about this guy either.

 

“I like the Spice Girls.”

 

Hell, maybe this guy _deserved_ to be taken.

 

“Or anything with an actual tune, really. Something dancy? Not that I can dance right now mind you, but these people really don't sound like they know how to play their instruments. Not that I know how to play any instruments, it was always something I meant to do and never got round to, and to be honest I'm not sure I'd be any good at it. I'd at least _try_ though, whoever these people are they're just making _noise_.”

 

Todd clenches his jaw, doesn't bother to give him an answer, but he makes a mental note to buy some painkillers at the next stop because there's no way he's _not_ going to have a headache after this.

 

“Do you play anything?” He does, but he's not going to tell him that. He's not going to tell him anything. The less either of them know about each other the better.

 

“Hm, perhaps not. You seem a bit quiet for that sort of thing, although I suppose you could be ignoring me. It's very rude to ignore people, and I've been told I'm _rather_ hard to ignore, but I don't know you and I guess you could manage it. I don't know what kind of people you work for, but the last lot were _very_ rude, I didn't much appreciate it at all. So far you're doing alright I suppose, there's certainly room for improvement, but you've yet to threaten, maim, or otherwise harm me so if we keep on this track you may find yourself with… hmm… three out of five stars for this experience.”

 

Todd has no idea what in the hell is going on right now, but he kind of wants to put his head through the steering wheel. He’s ninety percent sure that this guy is _actually_ insane and he doesn’t know if that makes this situation better, or worse. Nothing about it is _good_ that’s for certain, but if the guy could go to sleep, or at least shut up for long enough to let Todd think all of this through, he’s sure he could come up with some kind of solution to the problem this is turning out to be. Normally he’s quite good at thinking on his feet. _Normally_ he doesn’t have a person in his trunk. It’s less than ideal for everyone involved.

 

“Of course it’s _very_ difficult to get five stars, you’d have to do something amazing for that like, say… letting me go?”

 

There it is. Not the way he’d expected it, but it had come around soon enough, and he supposes it’s brave of him to ask when he has no idea who Todd is and what he wants. He doesn’t appreciate it though, the reminder that that’s something he _could_ do, that he could just let him go and say no more about it. That he _should_ do that. Todd has never considered himself to be a particularly good person, but he’s starting to wonder if maybe he’s worse than he thought.

 

“Ah well, it was worth a try. I’ll let you think about it, and you really _should_ consider it. [A five star experience really is very rare, I’ve never actually had one before, but I suppose it would be nice. Today feels like a lucky day at least. I thought I’d try my chances.”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734625/chapters/36583431)

 

Todd wonders what kind of person wakes up in the trunk of a car and decides that the day feels _lucky_. The lightness in his voice has faded somewhat though, and he sounds a little more subdued than he has so far. The tone of his voice turns Todd’s stomach because he knows it well, he’s heard it on himself plenty of times. It’s the tone of someone who knows they lost the fight before they started it.

 

He’s filled with a sudden, sickening sense of _guilt_ that he doesn’t have the first idea what to do with. There’s nothing he can say. There’s nothing he can _do_ . Part of him wants to try and explain himself to this guy, to fire all the justifications he’s made for himself about why he absolutely _has_ to keep going in the hopes it will make him… what? See reason? Quiet down and agree that yes, taking him to some unknown destination where god knows what might happen to him really _is_ the best course of action Todd could take, and there’s simply nothing to be done about it?

 

It sounds like bullshit even to him.

 

He’s too scared to do anything else though. Too worried of the consequences for himself, for _Amanda_ , who doesn’t even know that she could be in danger because of this. Because of _him_. Right now he has to quash his guilt, keep his eyes on the road, and push forwards, no matter how dejected the guy in the boot sounds.

 

Still, when he reaches for his phone again he pauses, eyeing up the back seat and sighing to himself before flicking out of his own music selection and hitting the search bar instead. When the sound of the Spice Girls invades his ears obnoxiously he grits his teeth and tells himself it’s worth it.

 

When the guy in the boot gasps excitedly and starts singing along, he decides this can be his self inflicted punishment.

 

***

 

“I spy with my little eye something beginning with… C.”

 

He’s been at this for nearly half an hour now and Todd can only hope it ends soon.

 

“Come on. It’s an easy one. C for… _car_. Obviously. You’re not very good at this.”

 

Blocking him out isn’t as easy as he’d thought it would be. Despite the brief moment before, he’s back to seeming mostly unaffected by his current situation and Todd isn’t sure how much longer he can go on like this.

 

“Alright, I’ll give you another one. I spy with my little eye something beginning with… B.”

 

Despite himself Todd frowns. He’s been wondering how this guy is even coming up with these, it has to be pretty dark in there and he’s fairly sure he can’t actually _see_ anything, and yet everything he’s offered up so far has been something Todd is fairly sure he _would_ be able to see if he had the ability. If he wasn’t so on edge he might actually be impressed.

 

“Boot,” he says, clearly having caught on that Todd isn’t going to play along. “Like this one I’m trapped in right now. Or, I suppose I should have said _trunk_ shouldn’t I? Assuming that you are in fact American. But _trunk_ makes it sound like I’m stuck in an elephant which might actually be _worse_.”

 

Todd never knows what to make of him when he goes off on tangents, not that he really  knows what to make of him at all. The reminder of his situation makes his shoulders tense though, Todd had mostly been getting through this by pretending he was the radio in the background, it wasn’t working great but it’s all he has.

 

“Okay, how about K?” He sounds… suspicious. Almost teasing, if Todd had to put a name to it. Cajoling, _baiting_. Todd doesn’t like it one bit.

 

“You _should_ get this one. You’re personally involved with it, in fact I might go so far as to say it _is_ you. It’s really not that hard to guess if you think about it.”

 

He bristles, eyes darting towards the back of the car and hunching his shoulders like he’s bracing himself even though he’s not sure what for.

 

“K,” he drags the letter out, leaving it hanging in the air for a moment. “For _kidnapper_.”

 

Todd snaps.

 

“I am _not_ kidnapping you!” it surprises him enough that he claps a hand over his mouth, cursing himself mentally because _shit_. There goes not engaging.

 

“Well, it certainly seems that way to me,” he sniffs, Todd _hears_ him and it fills him with such a rush of sudden annoyance that even though he _knows_ he shouldn’t, he snipes back.

 

“I’m not _kidnapping_ you, I’m just… moving you. Delivering. Whatever.”

 

“Oh, wonderful. Now I’m, what? A celebratory bouquet of flowers?” he sounds indignant, and Todd wants to know how that’s even possible in his situation. “What’s the occasion? So sorry your beloved family member died, I brought you a _replacement person_ to fill the void?” There’s an eye roll in there, he can hear it. “It better not be a grieving widow, I’m no good with those.”

 

“..What?” Todd, as he seems to do whenever this guy starts talking, has lost track of the conversation entirely. He’s had more than enough for today. "Just... just shut up will you? I'm getting a headache."

 

"Oh, well in that case I'm _terribly_ sorry for being so rude, mister kidnapper, I'll get right on that."

 

Jesus. Todd wants to punch him.

 

“I’m not a fucking kidnapper okay? I’m just… _not_.”

 

“Well, clearly _someone_ is having an identity crisis. I suppose we can call it non-consensual travel partners if that will make you feel better?”

 

It doesn’t. Todd doesn’t think anything will make him feel better. “It’s nice to _finally_ meet you anyway. Even divided as we are by layers of fabric and foam and what I’m _sure_ is just a terrible misunderstanding. I’m Dirk. Dirk Gently.”

 

Todd slams on the breaks so hard he nearly skids the car off the road.

 

“ _No_.”

 

“What the _hell_ was that?! Your driving is _awful_ , I’m removing a star for near death experiences,” he, _Dirk_ , rants on while Todd stares into the distance and tries his very best not to have a panic attack. “What do you mean ‘no’? I’m fairly sure I haven’t become another person since I was shoved in here so unceremoniously.”

“ _Shut. Up_.”

 

He forces the words out through gritted teeth because he’s going to cry, he can feel it building behind his eyes and he wants to _scream_ because this was hard enough already, and now he has a _name_ and it’s all far too much to handle. Too much to rationalise to himself. Too much to _know_.

 

He didn’t want to know about _any_ of this.

 

Todd slams his fists into the steering wheel, letting out a sound that’s more yelling than screaming, but close enough to count. He does it again, and again, and _again_ , only stopping when he drops his head down against it, and does his best to reign in his breathing before he starts sobbing in the driver's seat. Todd has had a _lot_ of bad days, but this might categorically be the worst.

 

The car is silent save for his sharp breaths, too wet to be anything other than overly emotional. He wants to go home, go to bed and then maybe when he wakes up this will all be a bad dream.

 

“Are you… alright out there?” he sounds worried, confused but concerned, _genuine._ Nothing Todd deserves that’s for sure, certainly not from him.

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” his voice breaks on the last word, so it’s not all that convincing.

 

“Right, yes, of course,” he agrees hastily, but barely lasts a minute before he's chiming back in with, “it's just… you don't _sound_ fine.”

 

Todd sighs, pressing his head against the steering wheel hard enough that it's probably going to leave an impression in his forehead. He doesn't really care. “It's been a rough day.”

 

“Oh. Well, in that case we have something in common,” Dirk sounds almost cheerful about this, like he's _pleased_ by it. “I've had far worse experiences than this, if it helps.”

 

Todd snorts. “You get kidnapped on a regular basis or something?” he can see how that might happen, Dirk might be being nice right now, but he's still an annoying passenger.

 

“More often than is average, I would say,” which Todd is no less confused by, but finds oddly reassuring all the same. “I thought you _weren't_ kidnapping me?”

 

“I…” he doesn't know what he's doing anymore, doesn't have the first clue what his situation even is. “I mean… it's just… you seem to be… experienced? In this sort of thing? And, well…” he swallows, fumbling for the right words, “it's my first time.”

 

Wrong words.

 

There's a dead silence in the space of the car, and Todd contemplates slamming his head against the steering wheel some more until he passes out.

 

“Don't worry,” Dirk says in way that makes Todd brace for whatever is coming next, “take it slowly and you'll be fine.”

 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” maybe he will call Ollie and tell him to go fuck himself, a quick death might be easier than this.

 

“You walked _right_ into that one,” Dirk sounds far too pleased with himself, and Todd can only be thankful he can't see the way that he's blushing. “I _really_ hope you flirt better than that.”

 

“Not really,” he admits with a sigh. Not that he's even tried in a long time, but it had never really worked out anyway.

 

“Pity. The whole _criminal lifestyle_ thing gives you a bad boy edge you could really work with.”

 

“It’s really not that glamourous,” he shoots a glance over his shoulder to where his voice is coming from. “And I’m hardly a ‘bad boy’.” Just saying the words makes him want to cringe.

 

“Oh hush,” Dirk chastises, “you’re ruining it.”

 

“Ruining what?”

 

“The mental image of you I’m building to pass the time.”

 

“Oh yeah?” He raises his eyebrows, smile creeping onto his face as he starts the car back up again. They can’t just sit in the middle of the road. “What do I look like in your head?”

 

“Can’t I have a few secrets?”

 

Todd rolls his eyes. “I don’t know _anything_ about you.”

 

Dirk hums thoughtfully at that, he seems to be agreeing. “What do you want to know?”

“I…” he feels a weight drop into his stomach, heavy and uncomfortable where it sits. They’re already talking too much, he needs to stop. “Nothing,” he settles on, the word feeling like acid crawling up his throat as he fixes his eyes resolutely on the road ahead. “I don’t want to know anything.”

 

***

 

Dirk Gently. His… _passenger_ is called Dirk Gently.

 

Todd can’t get it out of his head, round and round in circles and he’s half convinced it isn’t a real name at all. It doesn’t _sound_ like a real name, but then the guy does seem to be British, and if it was going to be a real name it would _definitely_ be a British one. At least, a treacherous part of his brain supplies, he’ll know what name to look for in the papers now.

 

Guilt seems to be the emotion that wins out most often in the fight going on in his head, but Todd is stubborn enough to power through it anyway.

 

Dirk has gone suspiciously quiet though, and despite himself Todd is starting to worry. He’s well aware of how hypocritical that is, but he wants Dirk to at _least_ not have a bad time travelling with him. Or something. It’s a mess of a situation, he’s making it up as he goes. As of yet Todd hasn’t initiated any of their interactions, which have become more brief since he told Dirk he didn’t want to know anything about him. He wonders if he insulted him somehow, but doesn’t have the first idea how to ask, particularly if he’s trying to play it as if he doesn’t care. He’s saved from having to work out a way to break the silence between them when Dirk speaks up, pulling him out of his spiralling thoughts in a way that Todd finds to be a relief more than anything.

 

“How long will it take?” his voice is small, subdued, with none of the indignance or playfulness from before, and for some reason it turns Todd’s stomach.

 

“How long will what take?” he has an idea, but he wants to be sure.

 

“Until we get to… wherever it is that we’re going?” The discomfort of the statement hangs between them for a moment before Todd shrugs, steeling himself.

 

“About three days, I guess.” He wonders if it’s the kind of thing he should really be telling him, but then he doesn’t know what he’d do with that information, he’s still trapped.

 

“Right.” He hears Dirk shifting and wonders if he’s turning towards or away from him. “Do you think you could maybe, I don’t know, knock me out?” The question is hesitant, like he’s not sure how Todd is going to react, which is fair, because he doesn’t have the first idea how to respond.

 

“What?” he asks, because it seems like the only thing to ask. Dirk is quiet for a long moment, but when he speaks again his voice is small and vulnerable in a way Todd really doesn’t like.

 

“Well it’s just… three days is a _long_ time. Or not if it’s all I have left, I suppose. But either way, I don’t really want to be stuck here just… thinking about _that_. I’m not going to be able to sleep it away, I’ve tried, but these roads are very bumpy. So I would appreciate it if you could, you know, knock me out again. If you don’t mind.”

 

It’s just about the worst thing Todd has ever heard, and if he didn’t feel like an asshole before, he definitely does now. He fixes his eyes on the road in front of him, trying to find a way to reconcile the feelings he’s having with the decision he’s made to keep going. He _has_ to keep going. He has to.

 

“It might make it easier for you as well. I mean, I assume they’ll still expect me to be out when you... drop me off?” He hadn’t even thought of that. Todd is so woefully underprepared for this situation he nearly starts laughing again. His emotions are swinging wildly from one extreme to the other at the moment, and it’s not a fun place to be. “Trust me, you don’t want to upset them.”

 

“Do you…” he began, because it suddenly occurs to him that Dirk seems to have more idea what’s going on than he does, “do you know who it is who… asked for you?”

 

“I… yes.” He sounds more uncomfortable than he’s managed to so far.

 

Todd tightens his hands around the wheel, debating the question he wants to ask, but doesn’t know if he wants to know the answer to. “Do you know what they want you for?”

 

“I’d _really_ rather not think about it.” There’s a laugh in his voice but it’s entirely fake, Todd can tell.

 

“But you _do_ know?” he presses, enough to make Dirk snap.

 

“Of course I _know._ ”

 

He doesn’t appear to be any more forthcoming, and Todd leaves it a moment before asking. “So… what is it?”

 

Dirk doesn’t take well to the questioning.

 

“If you’re not going to let me go, the _least_ you can do is knock me out again. I’m tired, I have cramp, my head hurts, and _I don’t want to think about it_.” It’s harshly spoken, and Todd might mistake it for being angry if it wasn’t for the obvious desperation in his tone. He’s well aware he could keep pressing, but he swallows down the desire to, he doesn’t think it will make either of them feel any better.

 

“Sorry.” It’s absurd to apologise in the grand scheme of things, but it makes him feel marginally better. “I- I can’t knock you out. It’s not...” he flounders for a moment, “...in my job description.”

 

“Oh well isn’t that just bloody _marvellous_?” The question seems rhetorical, so Todd doesn’t bother replying. “Is it in your job description to _starve_ me too?”

 

Shit. He’s not fed him. He’s not really eaten himself either, too preoccupied to think of it, but he suddenly becomes aware of how hungry he is, and he’s pretty sure Dirk has gone longer without food than he has. It’s less than ideal, especially when he doubts Dirk is going to shut up about it.

 

Then there’s also the question of _how_ exactly he’s going to feed him. He can’t just walk into a place with him, god only knows if there are any alerts out, or if Dirk would start yelling about being kidnapped. Todd gets the feeling he could be very good at causing a scene. But even take out comes with a terrible price because he’s going to have to open the trunk.

 

Todd does _not_ want to open the trunk.

 

The name and the voice is bad enough, if he puts a face to them he might actually go insane.

 

This is a nightmare.

 

But then… perhaps he _is_ a little curious to know what he looks like. It would _certainly_ make it easier to keep an eye out for alerts and missing posters, which is something he's aware is just going to make him more anxious in the long run, but he should probably at least start keeping an eye out if he doesn't want to get caught. He's trying very hard not to think about what will happen if he's caught with a missing person, he may have the gun that Ollie gave him but the idea of actually using it turns his stomach more than the thought of  being in a situation where he _has_ to use it.

 

“If I feed you, will you shut up?” He tries to make it sound biting rather than uncertain, because he still has no idea how to do this but he's fairly sure Dirk is only going to get worse if he doesn't feed him. Todd would give a lot to feel like less of a shitty person right now.

 

“That is a potential outcome, yes.” Clearly he's still snippy, and Todd rolls his eyes at his tone. He goes to ask him what he wants before he catches himself, it's not a good idea to know more things about him, and it's _certainly_ not a good idea to let him know he's feeling guilty. If he shows weakness Dirk could use it against him and get away, Todd knows how bad the repercussions from something like that could be.

 

“Alright, _fine._  But we're doing this my way.” Not that he had any idea what that is, but he's not the worst at thinking on his feet. He’ll come up with something.

 

“From where I'm sitting, or _laying_ I suppose, we do _everything_ your way.”

 

Todd shakes his head, unable to stop himself from laughing somewhat disbelievingly at that. “Yeah, this is just _perfect_. This is exactly what I wanted to be doing. None of this is- you know what? No. Shut up or I'll let you starve.”

 

Dirk goes blissfully quiet for all of thirty seconds.

 

“I don't think me being _dead_ would help you.”

 

“Oh my _god_. Fucking- ten minutes okay? Can you shut the _fuck_ up for ten minutes so I can _actually_ get some food?”

 

Dirk seems to consider this and then he sniffs loudly, Todd wishes that surprised him. “ _Fine_. But I won't _like_ it.”

 

“What a surprise.” He keeps it under his breath so Dirk can't hear it, and true to his word he keeps himself quiet enough that Todd could almost forget he was there if his presence wasn't like an axe waiting to fall on his head.

 

McDonald's seems like a safe bet, or at least one where he doesn't have to get out of the car. He wants to keep human interaction to a minimum, lower the chances of visibility. He leaves it too late before he remembers he should probably tell Dirk not to say anything, and as such spends the whole ten minutes it takes to get his order turning into an anxious mess, trying not to look as guilty as he feels in case it makes someone look too close.

 

He's just starting to imagine the worst case scenario when he's called forward, and the bored looking teenager at the window is handing the food to him. He hasn't considered that it looks like way too much for one person, but the kid doesn't seem to care so he tries not to either.

 

It's not until they're back out on the road that he feels like he can breathe again, unaware of just how much he'd managed to work himself up until he realises his hands are shaking on the wheel. He grits his teeth, if he's going to get through this he has to keep better control of himself. He wonders if Dirk is just as stressed as he is right now, but asking would sound too much like caring and he can't afford to do that either. He thinks he'd probably just get a sarcastic response anyway.

 

It takes another twenty minutes of driving before he deems it safe enough to pull over. It's still pretty deserted out here, and he's careful to make sure he's out of sight if any of the major roads as he parks up and tries to work out how exactly he's going to do this.

 

“Okay,” he starts, talking himself through it as much as he is Dirk. If he’d thought it would be any easier once he’d actually gotten the food he was wrong, this part is much more difficult. “Okay, I-” he reaches for the glove box, pulling out the gun with shaking fingers and staring at it for a moment. “I have a gun, and if you don’t cooperate I will shoot you, so just- don’t make me shoot you?” he’s well aware how uncertain he sounds, but he hopes that will be offset by the fact that he does _actually_ have a gun and Dirk won’t want to try anything.

 

“If it helps, I would also rather you didn’t shoot me,” he says after a long moment.

 

“I have _no_ problem shooting you,” he argues, not wanting him to think he’s going to be swayed that easily, “it’s just, you know, _messy_. And loud. And if I shoot you then you probably won’t stop complaining about it the whole rest of the time so just- don’t. Okay?”

 

“I will do my best to make sure I don’t make you shoot me.” Todd is fairly certain he’s being mocked but he has no real concrete evidence for it so he just shakes his head to himself. He stares at the gun for a moment, knowing there’s no way he’ll use it, but he doesn’t know if Dirk will if he gets it off of him. He doesn’t _think_ so, he’s pretty sure if Dirk was going to do anything it would mostly involve running away, and if he’s been curled up in the trunk for this long Todd wagers he wouldn’t have a problem catching him. The gun, like he always knew it would be, is a problem.

 

On the one hand, it’s good to have to keep him in line, but knowing his luck recently he’s going to end up shooting him by accident or something and then he’ll have a dead body on his hands, which he’s pretty sure is worse than a live one. He glances between the gun in his hand and the innocent take-out bags in the passenger seat and sighs, shaking his head as he unloads it as quickly as possible. Just because he has a gun doesn’t mean he has to have _bullets_. Dirk won’t know the difference.

 

Decision made, he grabs the food in one hand, opening the door before he can think better of it and makes his way round to the back of the car. Nobody can see them, not unless they come down here, and he’s taken all the precautions he can to avoid that. This is as safe as it’s going to get. He still hesitates when he reaches out to pop the unlock button though, he knows once he does this there’s no going back. Whatever he finds inside the trunk is going to stay with him for the rest of his life, for better or worse.

 

He shakes his head to stop the anxious spiral before it starts and takes a deep breath, he can do this. He points the gun, trying to make it look like he knows what he's doing, like it's loaded and he's willing to shoot. There's no way this is going to go down well for him without it he thinks, trying to make himself look like he's intimidating and not intimidated. He has no idea what kind of a person Dirk is.

 

He steadies himself, planting his feet as he presses the button to unlock the trunk, the click of the release mechanism echoing in his head as he actively fights not to screw his eyes shut and turn away and… oh.

 

Well, _fuck_.

 

Dirk is not exactly what you would expect from a person who is wanted by a bounty hunter, that's for damn sure, and Todd doesn't even realise he'd been building a mental image of him until he sees him and realises it's not what he'd been thinking of at all.

 

He's unfortunately cramped in the small space, and Todd tries not to feel bad about it, but he's dressed smartly for the most part if not for the way his shirt is rumpled. His tie hangs mostly loose around his neck, and his jacket, he notes, because it’s hard not to, is bright yellow. It’s a colour Todd would never have thought looked good on anyone.

 

Somehow, it fits.

 

He drags his eyes slowly and reluctantly up to Dirk’s face, only to find him staring right back at him. Blue, he thinks. Followed by the smallest suggestion of _c_ _ute,_ which he immediately tries not to flush at, caught somewhere between embarrassment and shame at the thought.

 

Dirk hasn't said anything yet, just staring at him with a mix of curiosity and apprehension and to be honest it's starting to unnerve him, but is doesn't take him long to find his footing.

 

“You're a lot... _shorter_ than I imagined,” he says, cheerful in a way that doesn’t fit the situation at all.

 

Todd looks taken aback by that, clearly offended, and he very nearly just slams the trunk shut on him again. Instead he opts for waving the gun at him, like a reminder he has it.

 

“Sit up.” It's not at intimidating as he'd hoped for, going by Dirk’s reaction.

 

“Hm, yes, you see I _would,_ but your friends have done such a great job at tying me up that I can't really do much of anything,” he points out. Todd realises belatedly that Dirk is indeed tied, with his hands behind his back and rope around his ankles in a way that doesn't at all look comfortable.

 

He sighs, assessing the situation before deciding there’s nothing else for it and reaches in to haul him up by the front of his shirt. Dirk makes a sound of protest as he does so, squirming against the mistreatment in a way that nearly makes Todd drop him. He never would have heard the end of that.

 

“You could be a _little_ more careful!” He looks and sounds, Todd thinks, like a ruffled, annoyed, haughty bird. “That's _hardly_ dignified, and I've already been manhandled _more_ than enough recently, thank you very much.” He's sitting up now at least, and Todd can't quite bring himself to look at him properly. Partly from the guilt, partly because he's still trying to make sure he doesn't stare.

 

“They could have at least gagged you.” It's not as biting as he wants, but at least it doesn't sound too friendly.

 

“Maybe you should have requested it. ‘All kidnap victims must be bound, gagged, willing to put up with what can _barely_ be called music, _terrible_ living conditions, and minor starvation.’ You have to draw a line somewhere or they'll start walking all over you,” he advises, like this is a perfectly reasonable conversation to be having, and Todd just stares at him with furrowed brows for a long moment.

 

“I'm not _kidnapping_ you,” he says eventually. Dirk just looks around pointedly and raises his eyebrows. Todd sighs. “It's not…” he shakes his head, muttering to himself. “Christ, why am I even having this conversation? This is crazy. My life is a mess. Look, just…” he holds the bag out to him, “eat your food.”

 

“...And may I be so bold as to ask how you expect me to do that?” He’s looking at Todd like he’s an idiot, and he would argue but to be fair it’s not his _best_ day.

 

Todd frowns, confused. “...With your mouth?”

 

“Yes, I'm sure, but how am I going to _get_ it to my mouth? Or had you forgotten I don't have use of my hands?” He wiggles a little to make a show of it, raising pointed eyebrows at him.

 

Right. Yes. God, this is the worst day of his life.

 

“If… if I untie you, promise you won't try anything?”

 

“Oh yes, I was just planning to throw a hamburger at you and hope it scares you enough that you don't _shoot_ me with that _gun_ you're holding.” Dirk is lucky that Todd already feels bad enough about this situation, otherwise he would have slapped him.

 

“Do you want your hands or not?” The sharp tone seems to bring him down somewhat, Todd immediately feels bad about it.

 

“It would be preferable, yes.”

 

“Right.” There's no real way of doing this without getting all up in Dirks space, the realisation alone is enough to make his heart race for varying reasons. “Don’t try anything.”

 

Todd tucks the gun into the waistband of his jeans, which is probably a bad idea loaded or not, and leans in to untie his hands. It’s awkward, reaching around him to pick at the knots and he tries very, very hard to ignore the warmth he can feel coming off of him.

 

Dirk smells vaguely of lemon and leather under the panic of being shoved into the trunk of a car he notes, cursing to himself as he struggles to get the rope undone.

 

“You're not used to untying people, are you?” There's a hint of suggestibility in his tone that Todd absolutely refuses to follow up on.

 

“I could just knock you out again.” it's an empty threat, but Dirk doesn't say anything until Todd _finally_ gets the rope untied. He pulls back abruptly, not wanting to linger in his space any longer than he has to.

 

“There now, that's _much_ better, thank you.” He rubs at his wrists which, Todd notices with a fresh wave of guilt, are bruising and rubbed raw by the rope, but Dirk seems more interested in his food than anything else, making grabby hands at him and practically tearing the bag from his grip as soon as Todd holds it out. “God, I’m _starving_ ,” he announces, reaching into the bag for a handful of fries and shoving them unceremoniously into his mouth. Todd would feel bad about how obviously hungry he is if he wasn’t watching wide eyed, torn somewhere between impressed and disgusted as Dirk makes his way through the rest of the bag in a similar fashion.

 

He tears his gaze away to pick at his own, knowing he needs to eat but feeling far less hungry now a new layer of guilt is attacking him. It doesn’t take long for his gaze to be pulled back up though, when the sound Dirk makes when he bites into his burger is so pornographic Todd chokes on his fries. It’s ruined moments later when he wrinkles his nose in distaste.

 

“There are _onions_ on this burger.” It’s an accusation if he’s ever heard one, staring at him as if he’d been betrayed. Todd can’t fight the need to defend himself.

 

“You didn’t say you didn’t want them.”

 

Dirk scoffs. “Well, it’s not like I was given a _choice_ . If I had been, I would have at least gotten ice cream. What if I was vegetarian? What if I was allergic to something and this burger _killed_ me? You have to think these things through, you know.”

 

Todd’s seemingly found his appetite again, finding Dirk’s rambling almost comforting as he eats his way through his own food. “What are you, a kidnapping expert?”

 

Dirk hums a small sound, neither agreeing or disagreeing and Todd side-eyes him from across the side of the car he’s leaning against. “You can’t just say shit like that and expect me not to ask.”

 

The look Dirk gives him is quick and assessing, Todd gets the distinct impression that he’s not as stupidly careless as he comes across.

 

“You said you didn’t want to know anything about me.” Todd shuffles his feet guiltily, taking another bite of his burger.

 

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs. “I could probably use some help with this.”

 

Dirk smiles, and it’s a little too familiar, too _knowing_ for Todd to be entirely comfortable with it.

 

“You weren’t lying then? When you said it was your ‘first time’?” He makes the little air quotes with his fingers, and Todd has to fight down the blush that threatens to creep up his face at the memory of _that_ conversation.

 

“I- Look. I’ve been… The driving thing? That’s not new, but the… _person_ thing is. So…”

 

“So you’re freaking out?”

 

“What? _No_ , no I’m- I am _not..._ freaking out. I know how to handle it I’m just… you know what? This is ridiculous. This whole _situation_ is… fuck.” He gathers up the wrappers and tosses the bag into the trees lining the road. “Lie back down.”

 

Dirk rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you going to tie me up first?”

 

It infuriates him, and from the look on his face that’s exactly what Dirk intended. “Stop doing that.”

 

“Doing what?” he asks, eyes wide and innocent like he doesn’t already know.

 

“Being a fucking… _yes_ I’m going to tie you up. Turn around.” Dirk opens his mouth like he’s going to protest, but Todd just levels the gun at him. “ _Now_.”

 

To his credit, Dirk does in fact manage to look shocked at the fact that he’d pulled the gun out again, turning around without protesting and crossing his hands behind his back before he’s asked to in a motion that seems almost practiced. Todd holds onto his frustration as he reaches for the rope, managing to tie it off securely and hoping it isn’t too tight, but if it is he supposes it’s not really his problem. It’s not his fault that Dirk got caught up in whatever this is. It’s not his fault that he’s here. All he has to do is drop him off, and he has to do it sooner rather than later so he can forget all about it and go back to his life.

 

Speaking of forgetting about it…

 

Todd shakes his head, acting quickly before he can second guess himself, pulling Dirk’s tie off over his head, ignoring the indignant sound he makes when he does so.

 

“Open your mouth.”

 

“I don’t think-”

 

“Don’t make me make you.”

 

Todd doesn’t think he could, but right now he has to act like it’s something he wouldn’t have a problem with. Dirk opens his mouth reluctantly, and Todd fits the fabric into his mouth and ties it around the back of his head in a makeshift gag. It’ll at least buy him some peace and quiet.

 

Dirk meets his gaze, and Todd was expecting anger or surprise or... _something_. Instead he’s met with a blank stare, and he looks away quickly, swallowing his guilt as he waves the gun again.

 

“Lie down.”

 

This time Dirk does as he’s told, but he turns his back to him once he manages to get settled and it makes him feel more than a little uncomfortable. More things he can’t afford to be feeling, he thinks, watching him for a moment before he closes the trunk on him.

 

He was right the first time. The best way to get through this is to pretend it’s not happening.

 

He puts the sickness in his stomach down to the junk food as he starts the car up again and pulls out onto the road.

 

***

 

Without Dirk’s chatter, the drive is unnervingly silent. He hadn’t realised just how much it had been filling the space until now, and the car feels empty without it in a way that Todd doesn’t understand when he still knows he’s there. He turns his music back on, only to turn it back off again immediately when the Spice Girls picks up where he’d turned it off before, rubbing his fingers against his temple where he’s starting to develop a headache. The gesture seems cheaper now, he’s not sure why he’d played it for him in the first place, but it hasn’t made him feel any better.

 

Perhaps more unnerving than the lack of chatter is the absolute quiet itself. Dirk hasn’t made a sound, no protests, no annoying noises to try and goad him into letting him out, there isn’t any noise coming from him at all, and despite himself, Todd worries. He hopes Dirk is getting some sleep, but with how rough the road is it seems unlikely, and the way Dirk had looked at him so blankly when he’d gagged him keeps flashing through his mind. It had been _wrong_. Too helpless, too _empty_ , a practiced kind of expression that’s kept up on purpose and he wonders where Dirk even learned to do something like that. Everything else about him seems bright and hopeful, childish even. Not the kind of person who should know how to shut themselves away with such ease. Not the kind of person who should be wanted by a bounty hunter either.

 

Todd sighs to himself, chewing on his nail as he glances in the rearview mirror. There’s something going on here that’s bigger than he understands, that much is obvious. He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into, but the sense of dread that had settled quite happily at the back of his neck when this whole thing started is slowly making its way down his spine. He’s never tried to call himself a good person, he may be a dick but at least he’s self aware, but this is a new kind of low he’d never imagined he’d find himself sinking to. He’s suddenly struck with the thought that there’s no way he’s going to be able to live with this.

 

It had seemed so easy in his head. Drive to the drop point, swap the cars, drive back, forget about it. It’s exactly the same thing he always does. Simple. Formulaic. But there’s nothing about this that’s simple now, because he _knows_ as soon as he leaves him there won’t be a day that goes by that he won’t think of Dirk. He’ll drive himself mad wondering what happened to him, the guilt that he feels already will rise up and swallow him whole when he knows he could have done something to stop it. He already struggles to look at himself in the mirror, and after this… he doesn’t know what he’ll think. He doesn’t know what _Amanda_ will think. Doesn’t know how he’ll look at her knowing he condemned someone to an uncertain fate, though there’s very little that’s uncertain about what happens to people who are forced into the trunks of cars against their will and handed over to unknown groups of shady people.

 

Todd hasn’t seen it before, but he’s been around these people long enough to _know_ , and it’s that knowledge that will keep him up at night.

 

It’s dark now, and he pulls over suddenly. Still no sound from Dirk even though he doubts that would have been pleasant for him. Sticking to back roads means it’s still empty, and he rests his head on the steering wheel for a long moment while he tries to sort his thoughts out. There  _is_ no good outcome in this situation, but there _could_ be a way around becoming an even more terrible person than before.

 

He already knows what he’s going to do, cursing himself out for not being able to compartmentalise like he should and just get on with the job at hand as he shoves the gun back into his waistband and throws the door open angrily, storming round to the back of the car. He pops the trunk open before he can give himself chance to think too much into it, if he’s going to do this he has to do it now.

 

Dirk somehow manages to look smaller than he did before, even in the confines of the space. Something in his chest aches at the sight of him, and he can’t ignore the fact that Dirk hasn’t moved, hasn’t made a sound in the minute or so he’s had the trunk open.

 

“Get up,” he tells him, because Dirk isn’t going to do it on his own. He wishes he could be more intimidating than he is, but he doesn’t have it in him right now so it sounds more resigned than anything. He watches as he does as he’s told though, managing to get himself up until he’s sitting looking at Todd, and he feels a new wave of guilt crash over him when he notices that his eyes are red, the tell tale sign of tears tracked down his cheeks where he’d been unable to wipe them away. Knowing he’d caused it just makes him feel worse.

 

“Look,” he starts, swallowing down his guilt as best he can. “I- _fuck_. Okay. I’m… sorry? For the- well, this whole situation sucks, and I know it sucks more for you but it just really…” He trails off with a sigh. He doesn’t have the first idea how to do this. “I’m gonna untie you, okay?” Dirk is watching him, and for a minute Todd thinks he won’t respond, but then he nods once like he’s not sure he believes him.

 

Todd nods back, happy to have _something_ from him at least as he reaches out to pull the tie out of his mouth, wincing with the motion because it’s his fault it’s there in the first place. Dirk still doesn’t say anything though, just moves when Todd gestures for him to turn so he can pick apart the knots on his wrists, leaning back against the car and shaking his hands out once they’re free. Todd feels his gaze weighing heavy on him as he unties his ankles too, struggling with the rope in the low light, but he finally manages to get it undone.

 

“What are you doing?” Dirk sounds tired, but there’s a hint of amusement in his voice and Todd feels caught out when he looks up at him to find him staring.

 

“I’m letting you go?” he says, like it’s obvious, even though Dirk is looking at him like he’s even more confused than before.

 

“Here?” he asks, the judgement is creeping back into his tone and Todd stands up, a little affronted.

 

“It seemed like as good a place as any.”

 

Dirk scoffs, raising his eyebrows. “It’s the middle of _nowhere_.”

 

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs, looking around at the emptiness surrounding them. “Nobody can see it happening, right?”

 

“And, what? I’m supposed to wait here until the next shady drifter comes along and picks me up? Get recruited into a biker gang? Die in the wilderness and be eaten alive by _wild animals_?” He’s looking at Todd like _he’s_ the one being unreasonable, and Todd can’t wrap his head around it in the slightest.

 

“I-” Todd frowns, stating the only thing he knows for certain. “You wouldn’t be eaten alive if you were already dead.”

 

“That’s hardly the point! It’s dark, I have no idea where we are, there isn’t even anywhere I can get a cup of tea for _miles_. I’m not letting you abandon me _here,_ ” he states emphatically, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Todd stares at him, bewildered. “You’re... _refusing_ to be let go?” he asks, making it clear how ridiculous he finds that.

 

“I’m _certainly_ refusing to be dumped at the side of the road like an unwanted item of furniture,” he bites back. “At _least_ let me go at a Starbucks. Not that there _is_ such a thing as a good cup of tea in America but I think my chances of finding some there are _far_ higher than out here in, I repeat, _the middle of nowhere in the dark_.”

 

“You-” Todd shakes his head, he doesn’t think he could follow that thought process if he tried. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

 

“ _I’m_ not the one threatening to set people loose in the wilderness!”

 

“Threat- I’m not _threatening_ you! I’m letting you go that is- that’s the exact _opposite_ of threatening you!”

 

“Not from where I’m sitting.”

 

Todd stares, rendered speechless by the absurdity of their conversation, before he throws his hands up in the air. “Fine. _Fine._ You want to stay? Fine. At least I _tried_ to do a good thing.”

 

“And it’s much appreciated!”

 

He snorts, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Just- get in the car. I need to sleep.”

 

“I’m sure to you those sentences follow each other, but to _me_ they make very little- well actually no they make _no_ sense at all.”

 

“I’m not gonna make you sleep in the trunk,” he states it like it’s obvious, and doesn’t miss the way Dirk blinks in surprise.

 

“Well, you’ve had no issue leaving me here so far.”

 

“Yeah, but you turned me down when I tried to let you go so this is… I dunno, my back up plan.”

 

“Right.” He doesn’t sound much like he believes him. “I _see_.”

 

Todd sighs, he’s already too tired for this. “Do you want in or not?”

 

“Oh! Yes, that would be far better than this,” he agrees, hopping down and catching himself before he overbalances, stretching out now he has the space to do so. Todd tries not to watch him too closely. “Does this make us roommates?”

 

“No.”

 

“Car-mates then?”

 

“No.”

 

“Sleeping partners?”

 

“What? _No_. It makes us- It doesn’t make us _anything._ Get in the car.”

 

“Hm.” Dirk is seemingly unconvinced, but thankfully drops the matter anyway as he clambers into the back seat with about as much grace as a baby duck. “I can’t tell you how _nice_ it is to feel my legs. I was starting to think I might lose them.”

 

Todd sighs, closing the door on him and taking a minute to pull himself together before he climbs back into the driver's seat, shuffling around to get as comfortable as possible. The gun digs uncomfortably into his back and he eyes Dirk for a moment, watching him bundle his jacket up into something reminiscent of a pillow before he carefully sets it down in the footwell beside him. There’s no way, he thinks, that Dirk would manage to be sneaky enough to take it without him noticing.

 

“Do you do this a lot? Sleeping in cars, I mean. It can’t be very comfortable. But it _is_ more comfortable than back there so I suppose that’s something. Have you ever slept in a boot?” Dirk’s eyes are wide and curious as he peers at him from his makeshift bed, Todd finds himself turning towards him.

 

“More than I should, probably.” One of these days it’s going to kill his back entirely and he’ll probably deserve it. “And no, I haven’t, but I did ride in one once. There were too many of us for the car and I was the smallest so,” he shrugs. The memory is a good one, but the ride itself hadn’t been. He’d hit his head at least once and spent a week covered in bruises, how many of them had been from the ensuing gig they’d snuck out to he’s not sure, but he’d felt like his bones had been thoroughly rattled and it was only a half hour drive. Dirk _must_ be in some sort of pain, but if he is he’s not showing it.

 

“I haven’t either. Not by choice, anyway, and not for want of trying. It’s a surprisingly hard task, I always feel like a tic tac, rattling around in there.” He still sounds blasé about it in a way Todd can’t comprehend, and though he hasn’t gotten much out of him before he decides there’s no harm in asking again.

 

“How many times has this happened to you?” It’s a simple enough question he thinks, but Dirk carefully avoids eye contact as he shrugs his shoulders, trying to toe off his shoes in the small space.

 

“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. Around seven, perhaps? I can never quite work out which ones count.”

 

It’s as confusing as the… everything else about him, and even though he wanted to stay out of it Todd has to admit he’s curious now.

 

“Is it always the same people then?” If he can get some explanation as to who these people are he thinks he might be able to understand the situation better, or at least make more informed decisions. Unfortunately, Dirk doesn’t seem like he’s going to give much up any time soon.

 

“Oh, no! No, not always. Sometimes it’s just a hazard of the job you know? People don’t much like it when you poke around where they don’t want you to be poking. One time it was a _total_ accident. I climbed in and it closed on me, we got all the way to the coast before he realised, it was a terrible surprise for him when he opened the boot to find me there. I _did_ get a lovely day at the beach out of it though.” The more Dirk says, the less Todd understands. There is something that catches his interest though.

 

“Being kidnapped is a job hazard?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “What do you do?”

 

“Oh,” Dirk says brightly, smiling over at him as he delivers the three most horrifying words Todd has ever heard in his life. “I’m a detective!”

 

He sits up so quickly he nearly slams his head into the roof. “You- _you’re a cop?_ ” It’s partially disbelief at the idea of the man in front of him doing police work, but mostly it’s sheer terror at the fact that apparently he is now complicit in the kidnapping of someone so closely involved with law enforcement. Just when he thought this couldn’t get any worse.

 

“ _No_ ,” he says, like Todd is being slow on the uptake. “I’m a _detective_. A _holistic_ detective in fact. I do sometimes work with the police but they aren’t usually happy to see me. It’s more of a… private thing. Less official. _Very_ important though.”

 

Todd doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse, and he runs a hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down. “So you… what? Follow people around and find stuff out about them?”

 

“Well, it’s more like I follow the will of the universe and it guides me to who I need to meet and where I need to be. A lot of the time that involves cases which I will, eventually, solve.”

 

For a very long minute Todd doesn’t say anything, mostly trying to process whatever the hell Dirk is trying to say. “Are you high?”

 

He looks vaguely affronted for half a second, before tilting his head thoughtfully and concluding, “If I had been, it would have worn off by now.”

 

Todd just sighs, dropping his head back down against his own bundled up jacket. “So… you’re not with the police?” That’s the most important thing, everything else can wait.

 

“No. Not right now. Not ever, really. It seems a bit boring, doesn’t it? Although it would be… nice. I suppose,” he rambles on as he makes himself as comfortable as he’s going to get given the circumstances.

 

“You think being a cop would be nice?” Todd has many opinions on police officers, none of them are particularly flattering.

 

“Maybe? Having a team, or even just a partner really. It would make things, well, easier for one thing. Probably more fun. You could do things together that way.”

 

“You…” He frowns, trying to work out exactly what it is he wants to ask. “You do it on your own then?”

 

Dirk smiles, but it’s not a happy thing, not really. “Don’t worry, nobody is looking for me if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

Todd opens his mouth, but he’s not sure what to say. There’s something not right about that, he thinks. Dirk seems like the kind of person who leaves an impression, the thought that nobody would look for him seems… _wrong_. There’s something sad in his expression though, and on some level Todd recognises it as the kind of loneliness you can’t really fake. He swallows down whatever it was he was going to say, turning to stare at the roof of the car above him instead of looking at Dirk, biting his tongue between his teeth as he considers it.

 

“Todd,” he says into the quiet, glancing over to catch Dirk looking at him curiously. “I- My name. It’s Todd.”

 

Dirk holds his gaze, seemingly making his own conclusions about that before he nods and slowly settles down again. The seconds stretch on in silence between them, Todd watching the roof and Dirk watching him watch it. It feels heavy, almost, and he wonders if he should have thought twice before giving his name away. When Dirk speaks again it’s soft, no more than a whisper in the darkness.

 

“Goodnight, Todd.”

 

He closes his eyes, wondering instead if tomorrow will be any better.

 

Right now it doesn’t feel so bad.

 

***

 

Morning comes, bringing sunlight streaming directly into Todd’s face which he turns away from with a groan. Sleeping in a car is never good, but he’s never been a morning person and no matter how the console is digging into his back that still applies here, he’s unwilling to be pulled into the land of the living just yet. His tenuous peace is shattered not long after though, when Dirk wakes up suddenly, smacking his head into the roof with a bang.

 

“ _Ow_.”

 

Todd startles, having forgotten he even had another person in the car with him, and looks over just in time to see Dirk flopping back down onto the backseat, rubbing at his head looking sorry for himself.

 

Right. That’s still happening then.  

 

He screws his eyes shut, gathering as much of his limited patience as he can at this time in the morning and tries to steel himself for another day of… _this._

 

“Coffee,” he says to nobody in particular. “I need so much fucking coffee.”

 

“Heathen,” comes the response, and Todd drags his head up to peer at Dirk over the head rest. “Everyone knows the only acceptable morning drink is tea. Coffee is disgusting.”

 

Todd just groans, pressing his face into the back of the seat. “If I promise to get you tea, will you shut up?”

 

“You’re going to get me tea?” Dirk perks up at that, pleased enough with this new development it seems, even though he makes no further move to get up in any way. “I’ll give you four stars.”

 

“ _On_ _ly_ if you stop complaining,” he reminds him, dragging himself upright and stretching out his back, staring down in confusion when his foot hits something solid. The gun. He glances guiltily towards the back seat as he picks it up, shoving it back into his waistband.

 

“I _suppose_ I can manage that,” he agrees.

 

Todd wonders how well that will hold when he nods his head and says. “You need to go back into the trunk.”

 

Dirk opens his mouth, presumably to complain, but then he closes it again and narrows his eyes at him. “I want a muffin as well.”

 

“Is that complaining?”

 

“It’s _bargaining_.”

 

Todd rolls his eyes. “I have a _gun_.”

 

“It’s too early for all that nonsense,” he says, waving his hand. “Get me a muffin and I’ll go quietly. Ish.”

 

There is very little, Todd thinks, that he will _ever_ understand about Dirk Gently.

 

He has a point though.

 

“ _Fine_ ,” he concedes, throwing the door open. “Just get in the trunk.”

 

For some reason Dirk spends a minute adjusting his hair, then his jacket, and finally fixes his tie before he seems to deem himself ready for the small space. Todd watches as he clambers back in, and it’s apparent how uncomfortable it has to be but Dirk doesn’t do anything but smile up at him.

 

“Pleasure doing business with you!” he declares, and the only response Todd has to that is closing the lid on him. He still does it far less violently than he would have yesterday. “It has to be a lemon one!” Dirk calls after him, and he shakes his head as he starts the car up again.

 

The next time he pulls over he’s feeling marginally more like a person thanks to the coffee, and chooses instead to brandish a muffin and take out cup rather than a gun in Dirk’s direction when he opens the trunk.

 

“Oh, thank _god_ ,” before Todd can say anything Dirk all but yanks the tea straight out of his hands, and Todd watches as his face relaxes into what he can only describe as absolute bliss when he takes a sip, residual tension unwinding when he takes another. “Do you know, this might be the _best_ cup of tea I’ve ever had? Emotionally speaking, of course. Take-out tea is terrible and I don’t think this even has any sugar, but _god_ you have no idea how much I needed that.”

 

Todd chooses not to respond, holding out the bag to him instead. “Here,” he says, shrugging one shoulder. “They didn’t have lemon so I got raspberry.”

 

“Ah well, you can’t have everything!” He checks the bag, and Todd didn’t realise he’d been worried about whether or not he’d picked the right thing until Dirk nods his head. “Thank you, Todd.”

 

It feels wrong, for Dirk to thank him for something so simple given the rest of their situation, but he nods his acknowledgement and tilts his head back towards the car. “Come on.”

 

Dirk’s expression falters, tightening his grip on the bag. “Where are we going?”

 

“I…” Todd frowns, “into the car?”

 

“You… _oh_. Oh. Yes, well. Of course. You’re just… letting me into the car now, that’s… yes.”

 

Dirk’s surprise shouldn’t sting, but it does. The little voice in his head reminds him that he’s done nothing to make Dirk think that letting him up front is something he would do, but Todd can’t imagine shutting him back in there for the whole day. It’s a mistake, he knows that, but it’s one he has to make if he’s going to feel at least a little okay about this whole thing.

 

“You can’t drink tea lying down, right?” he reasons, shrugging it off awkwardly.

 

“No, no I suppose not.” Dirk is still watching him with a wondrous expression as he collects his tea and closes the trunk. Todd keeps an eye on him as he makes his way round to the passenger side and lets himself in, but he doesn’t make any move to run and eventually Todd has to concede that if he was going to do something ill advised he’d probably already have done it.

 

There’s a part of him that’s _hoping_ Dirk will make a run for it.

 

He shakes the thought off, throwing some leftover packets of sugar in Dirk’s direction as they pull back out into the road and he tries to ignore the way the other man is smiling to himself when he glances over at him.

 

He probably should have left him in the trunk.

 

***

 

“ _No_ ,” Todd repeats, slapping Dirk’s hand away from the radio dial for the third time and turning it back off. “I am _not_ listening to… whatever _that_ is.”

 

“It’s _music_ , Todd. That much is obvious.”

 

Todd snorts. “ _That_ is not music. That’s… fabricated mechanical garbage that’s been churned out of a cloning factory to make millions for some guy who probably doesn’t even know how to keep a beat. They didn’t even _write_ that song themselves.”

 

Dirk raises his eyebrows at him. “It’s One Direction, Todd. It’s _fun_. Have you heard of _fun_? It’s a thing people have when they don’t want to be grumpy and _boring_.” Dirk looks him over assessingly. “Perhaps you _haven’t_ heard of fun.”

 

“I- _you_ \- We’re _not_ listening to that shit in _my_ car!”

 

“It’s not your car though, is it?” he says, smug as anything.

 

“It is if I’m the one _driving_ it. Just… shut up.” It’s a weak argument, but Dirk is hard to argue with he’s noticing. It would seem he has a response for just about everything, even if the response has nothing to do with the original argument in the first place. It’s annoying as hell.

 

He kind of likes the company, though.

 

“Not that I have much experience in these things, but I _don’t_ think that’s how car ownership works. It seems to be more of a-”

 

Todd is just about to reach over and slam a hand over his mouth when his phone starts ringing. They both go silent as they turn to look at it, Dirk with mild curiosity and Todd with growing alarm.

 

 ** _Amanda_** the screen announces.

 

Shit.

 

He can’t leave it, not when she might need him, but Dirk is sat right there and Todd knows for a fact he’s terrible at keeping his mouth shut. He’s fast running out of time to convince him though, the phone will only ring for so long.

 

“If you say _anything_ ,” he says, pointing a warning finger at him, “I will _shoot_ you.”

 

Dirk doesn’t look like he buys it, but he holds his hands up in mock surrender all the same. It’ll have to be good enough for now he thinks, tapping to answer the call before time runs out.

 

“Amanda, hey!” He winces at the sound of his own voice, he sounds off even to himself.

 

“Hey, loser. What took you so long?”

 

“Oh you know, I’m… driving.”

 

“Ooo _k_ _ay_.” Todd can picture her face so clearly in his mind that just the sound of it makes him smile. “Aren’t you always driving?”

 

“I- well, yeah but, I dropped my phone. It fell off the dashboard when you called so-”

 

“Are you lying to me?”

 

He flounders at the accusatory tone, feeling guilty already. “What? No!”

 

“Whatever, dude. You always sound shady as fuck anyway.”

 

“I-” he frowns, “okay? Just- is everything okay?”

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s not an emergency or anything it’s just…” she pauses, and something uncomfortable unfurls in his stomach at the silence. “Something… _weird_ is happening and… promise you won’t freak out?”

 

It sets off alarm bells in his head, and it certainly doesn’t help that Dirk has leaned in excitedly at her words. Todd can see where he’s biting down on his tongue to keep himself quiet.

 

“Yeah, yeah sure,” he assures her. “As long as you’re alright.”

 

“I’m fine. It’s just… okay, this might sound a little crazy but…” she drops her voice into something quieter. “I think someone is watching my house.”

 

Todd feels the bottom drop out of his stomach. This is not good, this is not good at all. He grips his hands tighter around the steering wheel and takes a steady breath, ignoring the way Dirk has turned to him with wide eyes.

 

“Are you safe?” So much for being chill about it.

 

“I mean, they haven’t done anything? They’re sorta just… sat there. They were here this morning and every time I look out the window they look away. It’s… creepy.”

 

“Okay. Okay, what do they look like?”

 

“It’s just two guys, they’re in a car. I don’t think they’re cops, not shady enough. Or maybe too shady? I guess cops wouldn’t really dress like cops if they were gonna watch my house.”

“Okay just…” God, he was so stupid to get involved in any of this. To get _her_ involved in any of this. He has to keep it together. “Stay inside, yeah?”

 

“I- Don’t you think I should call the cops?” He can hear it now, the undercurrent of worry in her voice. She’s not as unshaken by it as she’s pretending to be. He hates the sound of it, but getting the cops involved would likely make this whole thing _worse._

 

“No! No. I don’t- you’ll be fine, okay? If… if they’re still there tomorrow call the cops then. But… they probably _are_ cops, right?” He wants to reassure her so badly, but there’s no way to do that when this is all his fault. Even if they _are_ cops it’s going to end badly if they’re watching him. “We can deal with it when I get back. Just stay in the house. Don’t answer the door.”

 

There’s a beat of silence.

 

“Todd, what’s going on?”

Fuck. He grits his teeth, tries to work out what to say, takes far too long because he doesn’t have the _first_ idea what to do.

 

“I’m… I’m freaking out, okay? There’s two guys watching my house, I don’t know who they are, and you _don’t_ want me to call the police? I mean, I know you don’t like cops but this… seems kinda like a cop situation.” She sounds scared. Todd doesn’t think he’s ever hated himself more.

 

“I know. I _know_ , but it’s fine. I promise, you’re gonna be fine. Just- maybe see if you can stay with Mom and Dad for a while? Just until I get back.”

 

“ _T_ _odd_ -”

 

“Please, Amanda?” He’s desperate now and it shows in his voice, Amanda isn’t as young as she used to be, she knows how to read him now.

 

“I- Did you do something? Is this… Do you know what’s going on?”

He casts a glance at Dirk who is watching the phone with an increasingly concerned expression. It does nothing to make him feel any better.

 

“Look, we’ll talk about it when I get back, okay? Just- call Mom and Dad, stay with them for a few days. Just a few days Amanda, I promise.”

 

“Are you in trouble?”

 

 _So_ much trouble.

 

“No, no I’m good. As long as you’re good, I’m good.” Or he hopes so at least.

 

“...Okay.” She clearly doesn’t buy it, but for whatever reason she seems to trust him. “But you better tell me what’s going on.”

 

“I will. Later. I _promise_.” He swallows heavily at the thought of having _that_ conversation. “Call Mom and Dad okay?”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Tell me when you’ve talked to them.”

 

“Something _is_ wrong.”

 

He tightens his hands on the wheel, ignores the way Dirk is looking at him. “ _'_ _Manda-_ ”

 

“I know, I know, _‘when you get back.’_ You better have a damn good explanation.”

 

He winces, because he does but she isn’t going to like it. “I- it’ll make sense. I promise.”

 

“Fine. I’ll call them. It’ll be good to get out of the house anyway.” The relief that floods his chest is enough to have him nodding along. At least if she’s with their parents she’s not on her own, and that’s better than nothing.

 

“Is it bad?”

 

“No more than usual.”

 

“Okay. That’s- call me if anything happens, okay?”

She laughs, clearly at him but it makes him smile all the same. “You worry too much.”

 

“Yeah well, you’re a liability.” The teasing is familiar, and he can picture her eye roll.

 

“ _Whatever_. Love you, dork.”

 

“Love you too, call Mom and Dad. Stay safe, yeah?” He hopes she will. Once this is over he’s going to have a serious think about his career choice.

 

“Yeah, yeah. You too.”

 

“I’ll try.” He’s already in shit, but he doesn’t need to worry her with that. “Love you.”

 

“Peace out.”

 

She hangs up before he can, and he tries very hard to not freak out as much as he wanted to while they were on the phone. He’s dragged her into this too now. He’s officially the worst person ever.

 

“So,” Dirk says, and if he wasn’t focused on driving Todd would screw his eyes shut. “That seemed… _ominous_.”

 

Todd just shakes his head, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the road as he tries to work out what the hell he’s supposed to do now. Dirk doesn’t seem to care too much for silence though.

 

“Who was that anyway?” he asks, curious as ever.

 

“Amanda,” Todd sighs. “She’s my sister. Baby sister. Or, well, not so much a baby any more but-” He shrugs. Sometimes it’s impossible not to think of her that way, and with her in danger the feeling only grows.

 

“She seems… nice?”

 

Todd snorts. “Yeah, until you piss her off.” He swallows, careful not to look at Dirk as he tightens his hands on the wheel. “She’s sick.” He doesn’t know why he’s telling him this, but he supposes it won’t matter much when this is over. “She’s… the strongest person I know but, I don’t know. When she got sick it took something out of her. She gets scared, stays in the house a lot. I… look after her, I guess. Sort of. If anything happens to her…” he blinks, hating the way that he can feel himself tearing up over how helpless he feels.

 

“I’m sure it won’t come to that,” Dirk says, and Todd can tell he’s trying to be reassuring but it doesn’t really work.

 

“Based on what?” he asks, perhaps a little too desperately. “You don’t- You don’t know anything about her, or me, or like, this entire situation. It’s… if she gets hurt it’ll be my fault, okay? And I’ve already done enough, I’ve been lying to her for _years_ and now… I can’t even keep her safe! Even if she goes to our parents they’ll probably follow her and if I don’t… _fuck.”_ He slams his hand against the centre of the wheel, it makes the car swerve a little.

 

“Hey! You’ll be no use to her if you get us both _killed_ with your terrible driving skills!” Dirk is right of course, but it doesn’t make him feel any better. At least if he crashes the car he won’t have to deal with this any more.

 

“If it helps…” Todd is fairly sure it’s not going to, “it’s probably _not_ the police.”

 

“I _know_ , that’s the problem!” He shakes his head. “If it’s the cops they’ll ask her questions, realise she has nothing to do with it, and leave her alone. If it’s _anyone_ else… I don’t know what they’ll do.” And it’s all going to be his fault. He’d kind of been hoping that she’d never find out what it is that he actually does, but if he’s gone and dragged her right into it he knows it’s just a matter of time before it all comes to light. He doesn’t want to have to deal with that. “I never should have taken this _fucking_ job.” it had been good for a while, but he always knew it would come back to bite him some day.

 

“Does it at least _pay_ well?” Dirk asks, and it’s enough to make Todd frown with confusion, because that’s not the way the conversation was meant to be going at all.

 

“I… yeah. Really well.” This job particularly so, but he doesn’t tell him that. He’s not sure why he’s discussing his pay at all.

 

“Well then,” Todd sends him a sideways glance, because he’s sure Dirk is building to something. “Surely you’ll have enough money to quit?”

 

And that would be the logical thing to do, wouldn’t it? After this job in particular, with how much he’s being paid, to just pack up and leave and not look back. Todd is a coward though, he thinks, and the thought of actually _telling_ the people he works for that he’s leaving is terrifying enough, let alone actually _doing_ it.

 

“I guess,” he shrugs, non-committal as ever.

 

“If you don’t, one of two things will happen. You will be doing this forever, or you will die. But I suppose that’s _both_ really, isn’t it? If you die, but you do it until you die, then that’s your forever, right?” He’s looking at Todd like he might actually have an answer to that, like he didn’t just announce that Todd was going to die. “You’ll be doing it forever _and_ you’ll die.”

 

“I-” He hasn’t got the first idea what to say, especially when Dirk is watching him so expectantly and Todd knows he’s likely right. It’s a sobering thought. He said it was only temporary, but it’s been long enough now that that’s obviously not the case any more. Just the thought of it makes him feel queasy. Dirk seems to sense this because he holds his hands up in a placating manner.

 

“ _All_ I’m saying is, as someone _without_ the option, _not_ dying for something you hate seems like the choice you should be making. And you never know! It might help keep your sister safe too! Or it might not, but you won’t know until you try!”

 

How Dirk can be so chipper when he’s alluding to his own death, that Todd is apparently driving him to like some kind of travelling executioner, is beyond him. The idea that he’d try to use that to comfort Todd in some roundabout kind of way is even further out of his reach. It does nothing to lessen his guilt.

 

“I’ll think about it,” he concedes eventually, trying to keep his mind on the fact that Amanda was going to their parents, rather than the fact that she’s apparently being _watched_.

 

When Dirk’s hand drifts not-so-subtly back to the radio dial Todd just rolls his eyes and says nothing.

 

***

 

“So really you can’t _ever_ know if something is good or bad, because it all depends on where it fits into the bigger picture. Something that _seems_ bad at the time, like crashing your car, might actually turn out to be _good_ when you realise that crashing your car stopped you from driving it off a cliff and dying a fiery death. Everything is relative.” Somehow Todd manages to understand what he’s saying around the way he’s shoving M &M’s into his mouth like he needs them to live, but he wishes for a moment that he’d just _stop_ , because it’s been four hours, and if Dirk says one more thing about the ‘interconnectedness of the universe’ Todd is going to scream.

 

He’d known he was a rambler, that much was obvious, but it seems like for some topics once he’s started he just won’t stop. His… holistic-ness, or _whatever_ he called it, seemed to be his favourite topic, and as such he’s spent the last forty-five minutes trying to explain to Todd how ‘everything is connected’ and all it’s really done is given him a new headache on top of the one he already had. He doesn’t have a clue what Dirk is going on about, but he seems entirely convinced by all of it. Dirk _says_ that’s how he conducts his detective business. Todd thinks it must not be a very successful one.

 

But, there may be _some_ truth to it he supposes. Dirk is apparently special enough that someone put a bounty hit out on him, and now he’s been kidnapped by… _not_ Todd. By whoever it was that put him in this car. He wonders if there’s something ironic about the idea of a detective being kidnapped, wonders if Dirk is trying to solve his _own_ case right now. He wonders if he always does it alone.

 

Then, with a wave of panic so strong he physically feels it, he wonders if he won’t have to, because he suddenly becomes aware that the car behind him is a police car. Which would be worrying, but fine, if it hadn’t suddenly turned on it’s siren and flashed it’s lights in a clear indication that he needs to pull over.

 

This time he’s _really_ done for.

 

“Todd?” Dirk seems to have noticed his panic, glancing over his shoulder to the car and turning back to him with wide eyes. “Should we assume that’s _not_ good?” and Todd doesn’t know why the hell he sounds so worried when he’s the one who’s going to get out of this just fine. Not that having a person in the trunk would be better for him, but it would at least make it less likely that he’d be found out than having said person sitting in the goddamn passenger seat. Dirk can straight up tell them that he’s being kidnapped, and there’s _nothing_ Todd can do about it but hope they won’t believe him when he does.

 

This is the worst possible way for this situation to go.

 

He considers flooring it, seeing if he can get away without them catching up, but he already knows it’s a dumb idea. He’s going to have to pull over and hope for the best. He doesn’t really know what the best is at this point, but one where he gets arrested rather than shot seems like the right thing to aim for. His hands are shaking as he pulls over, and he runs through everything bad he’s ever done that he could get pulled up for once they start digging. At least if they take him in he might be able to get them to look out for Amanda. If she even wants anything to do with him when she finds out what he’s done.

 

“You’ve gone _awfully_ pale.” Dirk sounds far too concerned, and Todd considers laughing or crying or _both_ because _of course_. Of course this is how his life turned out. He doesn’t know why he expected anything different.

 

The sound of the door closing makes him wince, and he swallows heavily, casting a glance over at Dirk and shaking his head.

 

“It’s fine- Just. All of this, it’s- _I’m-”_ Whatever he is he doesn’t get chance to say, interrupted by a knock on the window and the brightness of Dirk’s smile as he waves at the officer.

 

Yeah, he thinks as he winds the window down, he’s screwed.

 

“Hey there,” she smiles, giving a little salute from where she’s leaning against his door. She doesn’t look like any cop Todd has ever encountered, but he knows better than to assume that means she won’t be. “Do you boys have any idea how fast you were going?”

 

Todd opens his mouth to defend himself, and then frowns as he catches up to what she’d actually said.

 

“I… No?” Of all the things he’d expected to be picked up on, he’s fairly sure speeding is the one thing that he actually _isn’t_ doing.

 

“Oh man, me neither. I have this like, speed gun thing? But it has waaaay too many dials, and it keeps making this weird grinding noise so I just kinda ‘accidentally’,” she makes little air quotes with her fingers, “left it at the station. You know how it is. Hobbs is gonna be _pissed_ though. Although maybe not, pretty sure he hates filling out that paperwork as much as I do.”

 

Todd just stares uncomprehendingly at her. It’s possible he may have been pulled over by the world's worst cop, and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Either way she doesn’t seem in any rush to arrest him for anything, even if she doesn’t seem in any rush to do anything else either.

 

“ _Anyways_ , you guys busy? I can see you have a _thing_ going on here and- Oh, shoot, I forgot! Deputy Tina Tevetino, best deputy in the county. _Only_ deputy in the county, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?” she grins.

 

“Oh, _absolutely_ !” Todd startles, seemingly having forgotten all about Dirk while he’s trying to decide whether to be worried or confused, but now he’s leaning across him so he can see her better and Todd leans back in his seat as much as possible to avoid having him pressed up against him. “And may I just say, I think you’re doing a _wonderful_ job. Do you get a lot of crime around here?” he seems interested in the answer, but Todd can’t begin to guess why, he’s too busy worrying about the fact that Dirk is talking to her at all. It’s only a matter of time.

 

“Nah, there ain’t nothing to do around here. Why, you thinkin’ of staying? Because, and this is totally off the record, I just confiscated a whole load of weed if you wanna join in? I was gonna try and hotbox the car, but I’d never say no to riding with some hot strangers for a while.” She throws finger guns at them and Todd sees the moment it clicks in Dirk’s head exactly what she’s insinuating.

 

“Oh! Oh, no, really that’s… a lovely offer? But this _really_ isn’t that kind of situation and I don’t think… well. I don’t know about Todd, but it wouldn’t really be… my _thing_ , so to speak. And to be honest I’m not sure there’s even enough room in here for… _that._ ” Todd is so close to hysterical laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of this situation that he’s just about ready to tell Tina he’s kidnapping Dirk _himself_ if it will get him out of it.

 

“It’s cool,” she assures him, holding her hands up. “You guys are doing your own thing, I respect that. I’m still down for the drugs though, because let me tell you,” she cups a hand around her mouth and points up the road, “it only gets more boring from here.”

 

Just like that it’s too much. He can’t take it.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to, I don’t know, give me a ticket? You haven’t even told me _why_ you pulled us over, and I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to have… _rights_ , or something!” He asks, staring up at her and regretting it instantly as she tilts her head at him and lowers her sunglasses down her nose.

 

“Do I know you?” she asks, and Todd wonders if she’d even report it if he sped off now. “I’ve seen you before, man. Come on,” she holds her hand out, wiggling her fingers. “Gimme your licence.”

 

Oh god, he’s probably wanted. Probably by the FBI. They’re paying him so much because he’s the fall guy. He’s been sold out, or they’re onto him, or _something._ This is bad, this is _so_ bad, and he’s brought it all on himself. He hands his licence over anyway, graciously not pointing out that she should already have asked for it, and watches with a growing sense of dread as she looks between it and him with a growing sense of realisation.

 

“ _Dude_ ,” there’s no small amount of awe in her voice. “Are you… _Todd Brotzman_ , Todd Brotzman?”

 

Shit. He _is_ wanted by the FBI.

 

“Like, mid-2000’s Seattle Todd Brotzman? God of the underground alt-rock scene Todd Brotzman. _Frontman of the Mexican Funeral Todd Brotzman_?!”

 

She’s leaning in almost through the window now, eyes wide and excited as she awaits his answer, and maybe Todd should be expecting the weird turns by now but _this_ is one he never could have seen coming.

 

“I mean… yes?” Despite everything, there’s a hopeful note in his voice.

 

“Oh my _god_. This is the greatest day of my _life_!” she exclaims, throwing her fist into the air triumphantly. “Dude, _dude_ , that’s so cool! I used to like, totally follow you round back in the day. Not in a weird, stalker way just, you know. It was _awesome_. I did _so_ many drugs and- oh _hey_ , is this what happened?” She points between him and Dirk, but doesn’t give him time to answer before plowing on. “Because there were so many _rumours_ after you guys split, and I _kiiinda_ hoped it was one of the crazy ones, but you fell off the grid, man! Did you like, go on the run with some hottie in tow? Because I can _totally_ get behind that.”

 

There’s so much going on that Todd doesn’t know what to address first, and he turns to Dirk who just shrugs and shakes his head, palms held up like he doesn’t know either. Dirk has an answer for everything, so if he doesn’t know then Todd doesn’t see how he’s going to manage any better.

 

“You- you’re a fan?” he asks hesitantly, hyper aware of the fact that this _could_ turn out to be an okay situation if he plays his cards right, and trying his best not to fuck it up.

 

“Sure am,” she grins. “I still have a copy of your album back home, oh hey! You wanna come look? I’ve got _loads_ of cool shit from back in the day.”

 

“Oh, well, I mean. That’s… cool. It’s,” he shrugs, “good, really but we kinda have to… go? I mean, not unless there’s, you know, a reason for you to hold us but… we have a… thing. To get to.” He winces at his own inability to get his words out right, heart beating so hard he can feel it in his throat.

 

“Mm, yes. A _very_ important thing. We would _love_ to stay, but it really can’t be delayed. Lives may depend on it,” Dirk nods seriously, and were Todd not aware of how important it is that she believes them he’d ask him what the hell he was doing.

 

“Oh, no, man, that’s cool. We all got places to be, right? This was sweet as heck though, Hobbs isn’t gonna _believe_ this. Oh- wait, let me-” She takes out her notepad and scribbles something down, tearing the page out and handing it to him. A phone number, he notes a little hysterically.

 

“If you’re ever in town, or passing through, or wanna get really _really_ high and talk music. I’m down for… well, just about anything you can think of,” she winks, and Todd just nods his head. He can’t quite believe he’s actually getting away with this.

 

“I’ll… keep that in mind.” He offers her a smile and tries not to give away how much he would absolutely love to get really, _really_ high right now, but he has other problems. Namely getting away with kidnapping _right under a cops nose_. In his younger days it would have felt rebellious and cool, right now he thinks he might just have a heart attack.

 

“Awesome! Well, it was great meeting you, the fuckin’ _coolest_ , man. Oh! And your tail-light is out! Might wanna get that looked at. I’d ticket you but,” she shrugs. “ _So_ many reasons not to, you know? Anyways, _Todd Brotzman_ , I’ll see you around?”

 

“I-” He wants to ask her if she’s insane, or if she’s just a really bad cop, but he’s so close to making it out he files it away for later. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll-” he waves the piece of paper with her number on it, not committing to anything.

 

“ _Sweet_! You boys have fun now, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

 

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, Todd isn’t the adventurous type.” Dirk grins at her, sparing Todd a side glance like he’s daring him to disagree.

 

“Aw,” she shrugs, reaching through the window to ruffle his hair before she hands his licence back. He feels himself go red, unable to stop it. Dirk looks far too smug. “Ain’t nothing that can’t be fixed in the right hands.”

 

“Okay!” he announces when Dirk opens his mouth, presumably to reply to whatever _that_ was. “It was really… nice? To meet you. But we’ve gotta… go. So… if that’s everything?” God, he hopes it is, he doesn’t know how much more of this he can stand.

 

“Sure, sure! Go ahead, man! Drive safe, cos if I have to pick you up from an accident there will be a _very_ high chance I won’t be sober.”

 

“Great. You… have fun with that.”

 

“Oh, I will!” She wiggles her eyebrows at them as she backs away. “Stay chill, man!”

 

“Nice meeting you, Tina!” Dirk calls after her, she waves back at him as she retreats to her car and Todd takes a minute to pull himself together before pulling back out into the road, interested in getting as far away from here as fast as he can.

 

“Well,” Dirk sighs, settling back into his seat, “she was _wonderful_.”

 

Todd can’t help it.

 

“What the fuck even _was_ that?!” he asks, and the wild look on his face is one that Dirk is accustomed to seeing on people, but not particularly good at dealing with. “I- Am I going crazy or did she just… that is _not_ how cops are supposed to act. She should have… there’s a _procedure_ … she didn’t even…” He shakes his head, at a complete loss. “She thought we were _together_.”

 

“Yes, Todd. I rather caught on to that.” And apparently he’d just _rolled_ with it, for some reason Todd can’t even begin to comprehend.

 

“You- And _you!_ You didn’t- why didn’t you _say_ something?” He’s trying his best to keep his eyes on the road, but Dirk rolls his eyes and it’s _very_ hard not to reach across and strangle him.

 

“Well, I rather thought that telling her we weren’t, in fact, together and she’d gotten it all wrong would make the situation a lot more difficult than it needed to be. Besides, is it _really_ that bad of an assumption? I’m sure you’ll survive.” He’s so flippant about it that Todd is really starting to wonder if Dirk can take _anything_ seriously.

 

“That’s not- I meant why the _fuck_ didn’t you tell her I was… _kidnapping_ you?” he hisses, like she could still hear him. For once, Dirk actually seems shocked by the question.

 

“Oh,” Dirk frowns, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Did you… _want_ me to do that?”

 

“Wh- _no_! Of course I didn’t _want_ you to but-” He swallows, because it’s a hard thing to put into words. “You _should_ have. You get that right? I’m… I’m the bad guy here. She could have _helped_ you. That was- she didn’t even recognise you.”

 

“I told you, Todd. There isn’t anyone looking for me. She wouldn’t have known!”

 

Todd just shakes his head, some of his pent-up energy dissipating with the words. “Why didn’t you _say_ something?”

 

Dirk is silent for a long moment, staring at his lap as he fidgets with his fingers. “It didn’t feel right.”

 

“Are you- _didn’t feel right_? Are you kidding? She could have _helped_!” He doesn’t know what else to say, it doesn’t make the _slightest_ bit of sense to him. Dirk seems frustrated too though, if the way he sighs and turns to him is anything to go by.

 

“ _Look_. The only way I can get through these situations is by making choices, and the only choices I can make are based on what _feels_ like the right thing to do. If I do something when I’m not supposed to then… bad things happen. It’s not good. I just have to follow what I have, and what I _have_ is the feeling that telling her would have been a bad thing. So I didn’t.” He shrugs, like he’s expecting Todd to argue.

 

“You are aware that’s like, bat-shit insane, right?” Most of the fight is gone from him now, but he casts Dirk a sideways glance anyway.

 

“So I’ve been told. But hey, look on the bright side, you aren’t in prison! Our situation is no better _or_ worse than before, and that’s the kind of thing I think we could all do with appreciating more often.” Dirk smiles, a much more toned down one than his usual grin, but reassuring all the same. He looks tired, Todd thinks. The sooner this is over, the better.

 

“All that for a broken tail-light,” is what he goes with. Turning the conversation back to something less emotionally endangering.

 

“Ah, yes. Sorry, that was my fault.”

Todd rubs at his eyes, because of _course_ there’s a reason that involves Dirk. “ _What_?”

 

“The light being out,” he clarifies. “I tried to push the whole thing out and see if I could get out that way somehow, but I only managed to break it, it seems.”

 

Dirk shrugs apologetically, and Todd’s brow creases in confusion.  “You… you were tied up.”

 

“I’m _very_ resourceful.” If he didn’t know any better, judging by the look on his face he’d think Dirk was flirting.

 

“Don’t worry,” Todd mutters, resigned to this being his fate at least for the next few days. “It’s not even my car.”

 

Dirk reaches out to pat him on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit!”

 

***

 

By some stroke of luck the rest of the day is, mostly, uneventful. They make good progress, and Todd ignores what that means as Dirk rattles off ‘facts’ about every town they drive through. Todd is fairly sure they aren’t facts at all, but he’s happy to let him chatter on about it as long as he doesn’t require a response. It seems to be the easiest way to keep his guilt in check.

 

There are some times though, when it’s nearly impossible not to call him out on his bullshit.

 

“Okay,” he says, holding up his hand. “Thor? As in, the god of thunder? Bullshit.”

 

He raises an eyebrow at him across the diner table, having decided that if the cops hadn’t picked up on Dirk, a random diner waitress in a tiny little town wasn’t going to have a much higher chance. He’d needed to get out of the car, and he couldn’t very well leave Dirk there. Watching him devour a truly astonishing amount of waffles makes him almost wish he had anyway.

 

“It’s true! Well, that’s what he _said_ anyway. Besides, he wasn’t all that, and he didn’t even _pay_ me! I mean, the _nerve_ of some people.” He shakes his head.

 

“You got taken for a ride by some gym obsessed blonde european guy who called himself a god _and_ you believed him.” He states flatly, watching with amusement as Dirk’s expression turns from good-natured to downright scandalised.

 

“ _No_. And I don’t appreciate what you’re insinuating. I maintain a _strictly_ professional relationship with all of my clients. Thor just… needed a hand,” he shrugs. Todd snorts into his coffee.

 

“Yeah, I’ll bet.”

 

“ _Honestly,_ Todd. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but let me assure you Thor really _wasn’t_ that attractive. It’s no great loss to me,” Dirk sniffs, turning his nose up at the idea.

 

“Let me guess,” he teases. “Didn’t call you back?”

 

Dirk pauses, carefully avoiding eye contact as he reaches for his tea. “That’s none of your business.”

 

Todd shakes his head to himself, hiding a smile as he pushes his plate to the side and sinks back into the booth. Like this it almost feels… normal. Familiar. After the close call that turned out not to be that close earlier, Todd feels like he’s relaxed a little, still riding the high of having gotten away with something. Despite everything, he finds himself a little reassured by the knowledge that Dirk didn’t think it felt right to leave then. He’s trying not to look for justifications, but it helps him feel a little less like he’s doing _entirely_ the wrong thing. Even if it’s just for a minute.

 

He watches Dirk empty another sugar packet into his tea and wonders if this is meant to feel like something he’s been doing for months already.

 

“ _I_ have a question for you,” Dirk states. Todd braces himself, because it’s impossible to know what on earth is going to come out of Dirk’s mouth so his response is hesitant.

 

“Oh, yeah?”

 

“Yes. What on _earth_ is a ‘Mexican Funeral’?”

 

He laughs, relieved as he tips his head back because of all the things Dirk could want to know it’s hardly the worst, no matter how much of a sore topic it can be.

 

“It was my band. The Mexican Funeral. We toured around and shit, probably could have made it but,” he shrugs, runs a hand through his hair. “Bad decisions.”

 

“You seem to be good at those.” The way Dirk looks at him tells him he’s teasing, Todd throws a napkin at him.

 

“Never said they were _my_ bad decisions.”

 

“You didn’t have to.”

 

“Alright,” he sighs. “I guess I deserved that.”

 

“Hm. I was wrong then? When I said you didn’t play anything?” Dirk looks curious, and it’s been a long time since Todd has had any such expression directed at him. It makes him a little uncomfortable, if he’s honest.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees, pulling his mug in closer and hunching himself around it. “I played guitar, for the band. And, you know, sang. But I play other shit. _Played_ , I guess. I don’t really do it anymore.”

 

Dirk tilts his head, and Todd avoids his gaze. “Do you miss it?”

 

“I-” he shrugs, “yeah. I guess. I mean, the band? Maybe not. We had problems even before… but I guess I miss playing. It’s the only thing I was ever really good at.”

 

“So, why don’t you?”

 

“It’s not- I don’t know.” He stares into his coffee for a long moment, surprised when Dirk doesn’t interrupt him. “I guess I just don’t have any reason to? I still write stuff, but it’s not like anyone listens anymore.”

 

“Tina sounded like she’d listen.” Dirk is smiling over the rim of his cup when Todd spares a brief glance over at him.

 

“Yeah, but that’s… I don’t know. It’s different. There’s… a lot.” He’s never really thought about it before, but he _does_ miss it. That’s true enough. Maybe it’s because it makes him feel guilty to play sometimes.

 

“I’d listen.”

 

He states it so simply, but Todd jerks his head up to look at him like he’s been shocked, eyes wide and uncertain. There’s a moment where he just stares, not knowing what to say, or how to take it at all actually, but Dirk breaks him out of that too.

 

“I never said I’d _like_ it,” he smirks, downing the last of his tea.

 

Todd huffs out a laugh, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck as he looks away, unsettled by whatever _that_ reaction had been.

 

“Yeah, you probably wouldn’t.” Not going off what he knows of Dirk’s music tastes, anyway. But it would hardly be the first time he’d surprised him. “Come on,” he stands, stretching out and already regretting the night they’re going to have to spend in the car. “We should probably at least try to get some sleep.”

 

Dirk hums noncommittally, but follows suit as Todd pays for their food and they head back outside. The walk back the car is spent mostly in silence, enough that Todd jumps when his phone pings with an incoming message.

 

**Mom and Dad say hi, and that you should call more, and to eat your vegetables.**

 

He smiles at the screen, but another message comes through before he can reply.

 

**They’re grilling me about your job. I’m still holding you to that explanation.**

 

His smile falters, shaking his head with a sigh as he types out;

 

**Just a couple more days, I promise. Tell them hi back. Love you.**

 

He slips his phone back into his pocket, and finds Dirk watching him curiously when he goes to open the car door.

 

“Amanda,” he explains with a shrug. “She’s… with our parents so…”

 

“Out of trouble?” he asks, Todd isn’t sure but he thinks he sounds hopeful.

 

“Yeah, I guess. I hope so. For now, at least,” he nods to himself as if trying to convince himself that’s true.

 

“That’s good, then! I told you she’d be fine.” Dirk closes the door, and suddenly they’re alone again, just the two of them in the tiny space with the rest of the world shut out. Todd is willing to bet that any amount of time spent with Dirk seems intense, but he certainly feels it most like this.

 

“I don’t know that she is yet,” he sighs, shrugging off his jacket to bundle it into a pillow the way he’s done countless times before. “But… I guess it’s better. At least for now.”

 

“Then stop moping,” he teases, settling down in the back seat. “It’s all going to work out okay.”

 

He doesn’t know if the ‘for you’ is implied but he hears it anyway, a solid weight settling into his stomach as he nods his agreement and turns away from him.

 

“Night, Dirk,” he offers. Like it means anything in the grand scheme of things.

 

“Goodnight, Todd.”

 

Sleep doesn’t come easy, and for the most part he lets himself drift in and out in a weird semi-conscious state for what feels like hours. His body is heavy but his mind is racing, it’s likely that this time tomorrow he’ll be planning the drive back, and it’s very hard to think about what that means. He probably deserves to think about it though, imagines he’s probably going to be thinking about it every night for the rest of his life.

 

He’s tired enough that he doesn’t react when Dirk speaks up again, obviously assuming that Todd is asleep, but he’s awake enough that he listens in anyway. It feels like something he’s not supposed to hear, and he’s never been very good at ignoring those kinds of things.

 

“There’s another reason I didn’t say anything before,” he whispers. Todd holds himself as still as he possibly can, trying to keep his breathing steady enough that Dirk won’t realise he’s still awake. “I knew that if they took me into the station, the people who want me… they’d find me straight away. It wouldn’t have been getting out, it would have just been getting to them sooner. I didn’t want that.”

 

He pauses, and for a while he thinks that’s all he’s going to say, but just as Todd is actually about to try and fall asleep he says something else. Something Todd almost wishes he _had_ slept through.

 

“I didn’t lie. It really _didn’t_ feel right, and those feelings… I have to follow them. But,” he sighs softly. Todd can imagine him staring up at the ceiling, and he wishes there was some way to comfort him. Even whisper quiet there’s a sadness to his voice that shouldn’t be there. “I’m _scared_ of them. And… I’m not scared of you, Todd. So I suppose… staying just made more sense. You won’t hurt me.”

 

If it wasn’t so important to pretend he hadn’t heard any of it he might take Dirk by the shoulders and shake him for being so stupid. He’s not a good person, and Dirk’s admission just makes him more certain that he’s categorically a _terrible_ person. He might be able to justify it if it was someone else, but he knows somewhere deep down that Dirk doesn’t deserve this, that he doesn’t deserve whatever is waiting for him at the end of the line. The guilt threatens to overwhelm him, because Todd doesn’t know what else to _do_ other than keep going, but it’s becoming more and more obvious that _someone_ is going to end up hurt from this no matter what he does. There are no more get outs, and though he’d started out worried for himself and his sister, now he’s worried for Dirk too, and that’s something he can’t afford. It’s not something he can help though. Somewhere along the way Dirk had wormed his way under his skin and he knows for a fact he’ll stay there for good now.

 

He squeezes his eyes shut tight against the tears that he _refuses_ to believe are welling up there, trying his best to ignore the hopeless pit in his stomach that threatens to swallow him whole.

 

He doesn’t know how he’s going to do this, but he hasn’t got a choice.

 

The only thing he can do is make sure this is the last drop he ever does.

 

***

 

“You’re quiet this morning,” Dirk observes, fidgeting with the lid of his take out cup as he watches Todd. He seems nervous, and while he hates it, he’s not entirely sure what to do about it.

 

“Didn’t sleep well last night.” It’s at least partly the truth.

 

“Sleeping in cars isn’t the best,” Dirk nods. “But you did drink rather a _lot_ of coffee and it doesn’t seem to have helped. Is there something-”

 

“Can you just _stop_. Please?” he cuts him off, regretting it immediately when something like hurt flashes across Dirk’s face. He’s not very good at hiding his emotions, Todd has noticed. He wonders if it would make any difference if he was.

 

Todd only lasts a minute in the silence before he finds himself sighing. “Sorry. I didn’t mean-” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s quite alright! Everyone gets tired, and you started out more grumpy than most so I suppose it makes sense.” He’s still looking down at his lap though, shoulders tense as he flips the lid over, and over, and over, and over in his hands.

 

“You’ve _got_ to stop doing that.” He says it without thinking, and Dirk’s hands pause, frowning as he turns to him.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“No, _not-_ ” He gestures towards his hands, turning back to the road. “Telling people it’s okay when they upset you. I’m an asshole, okay? I _know_ I’m an asshole. So, when I’m _being_ an asshole, you can tell me. You gotta, I dunno, stand up for yourself.”

 

Todd wonders if he’s gone too far when Dirk doesn’t say anything. He’s just… trying, he supposes. If he can’t help Dirk, he can at least try and get him to help himself.

 

“It’s not that easy,” he says eventually, keeping his eyes fixed carefully out of the passenger side window. “I don’t _get_ \- look. It’s hard to explain. But most of my life has just been being… shoved from one place to the next by forces a lot of people don’t even believe _exist_ . I just kind of have to go along with it, because if I don’t then terrible things happen and people get _hurt_ and I don’t _want_  to hurt people. I want to _help_ people. But I’m starting to think that I’m never even going to get the chance and maybe… maybe this _is_ how this is supposed to go. I mean, nothing is telling me otherwise. If the universe wanted me somewhere else it would _put_ me there, but it hasn’t, so until then I’m just… here.”

 

There’s not a lot he can say to that really. Despite Dirk’s numerous wild and tangential explanations, he still doesn’t really understand this _holistic_ stuff or whatever it is. He’d be tempted to say that Dirk was just, well, _weird_ , if it wasn’t increasingly obvious that it’s not just him. The weirdness seems to happen _around_ him, and while Todd is fairly sure his life would have been turned on its head no matter who had turned out to be in the trunk, he’s not sure the… _everything else_ would have happened. Arguing over how best to conduct a kidnapping, refusing to be let go when Todd tried to set him free, getting away with having a kidnapped person in his car _right under the nose of a cop._ A cop who _must_ be the last fan of his band on earth at this rate. All of those things are _Dirk_ things, and he’s aware enough to recognise it. Dirk _is_ weird, there’s no doubt about that, but the world goes weird _around_ him too. He just wishes he had some frame of reference for what that _meant_.

 

“So you’re saying you’re here because… what? The _universe_ wants you to be here?” He tries to sound a little less like he thinks it’s crazy, because even if he can kind of _see_ it, that doesn’t mean he _understands_ it.

 

“Yes. Or, well, my being here is vital to something that will turn up further down the line. I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t end up where it looks like it’s going but,” he shrugs, “if it does there has to be a _reason_.”

 

He sounds scared, and Todd recalls what he’d said last night about being scared of them. He doesn’t know who ‘they’ are, and he doesn’t know how far pushing for that information will get him, but he can tell enough from his voice to know whatever is going to happen it isn’t going to be good. Sometimes Todd wishes he wasn’t as selfish as he knows he is, but he doesn’t know if he can put Amanda at risk for Dirk’s sake. For his _own_ sake. Is it worth handing him over if he knows he’s going to spend every day for the rest of his life wondering what happened to him and feeling guilty about it? But then if he _doesn’t_ , is _not_ giving him over worth running the risk of getting himself and his sister killed? He’d never thought he’d miss working at the hotel, but right now he’d trade just about anything to going back to walking in on people at the worst possible times and losing tips for it.

 

At least that was easy to laugh about later.

 

“Maybe… maybe the reason is that the universe is an asshole,” he tries, softly so as not to startle him.

 

Dirk laughs, a little too wet to not give away that he’s been crying. It still makes Todd feel a little better. “ _Careful_ , it can hear you.”

 

Todd shrugs, “shouldn’t be listening if it’s not ready to hear it.”

 

“And how many times did you get punched for that one?” he asks, amused as he shifts in his seat.

 

It’s his turn to laugh now, shaking his head as he admits, _“Enough_.”

 

He feels Dirk watching him as he keeps his eyes on the road, travelling ever forward towards their unpleasant fate. He tries to ignore it though, he’s not used to anyone paying close attention to him, and Dirk doesn’t seem to understand normal human boundaries.

 

“You’re not as much of an arsehole as you think you are, you know.” It’s warm, sincere, and enough to make Todd hunch in on himself.

 

“What?” he protests immediately, caught off guard. “I- _no_ , what? You don’t- You don’t even _know_ me.”

 

“On the contrary, I may not know much _about_ you, but I think being forced into a high stress situation with an inevitably unpleasant outcome for one or both of us has allowed me to get to know you quite well.”

 

Todd shakes his head, rolling his eyes at that ‘logic’. “If _that_ was true then you’d know I’m an asshole.”

 

Dirk just shrugs, seemingly nonplussed by this argument. “And yet here I am.”

 

“What?”

 

“ _Well_ ,” he drags the word out. “I’m not currently tied up in the trunk of your car, am I? You haven’t shot me, or hit me, in fact you haven’t really done much of anything at all other than give into my demands for tea and let me eat waffles, which I _greatly_ appreciate by the way. As far as kidnappers go, you’re something of an anomaly, Todd Brotzman.”

 

“I- That’s…” He hates how he always feels wrongfooted by Dirk’s certainty. It makes it very hard to prove him wrong when he won’t just take Todd’s self-evaluation at face value. “I didn’t do that because I’m nice! I did that because…” it’s a hard thing to admit, but that doesn’t make it not true. Dirk deserves that much at least. “Because I felt _guilty._  It’s not some… selfless act to make you feel better. It’s… it’s to make _me_ feel better about this whole…” he’s getting agitated, shoulders tense where he can feel Dirk watching him. “I’m.. I’m a _terrible_ person, okay? Don’t… try and make me into something I’m not.”

 

Dirk leans in a little closer, and Todd already knows whatever he says, he’s not going to like it much.

 

“In my experience,” he starts soft, like he’s sharing a secret, “people only feel guilty if they actually care about what they’re doing. I’ve been through this _so_ many times, and you’re the first person who has _ever_ actually felt guilty. Or at least enough to do something about it.”

 

Todd shakes his head, wringing his hands around the steering wheel like it might help ground him. “ _No_. No! Because- because I’m still doing it, aren’t I? You’re still here. It’s still gonna happen. I’m still… doing a bad thing. A _terrible_ thing.”

 

“Todd,” Dirk laughs, like he isn’t working him into a crisis. “You tried to _let me go_.”

 

“Yeah, well,” and god, he really likes to make it difficult, doesn’t he? “That was just… a lapse in judgement. And I haven’t tried it since! I’ve… _kept_ you here.”

 

Dirk gestures around the small space. “ _Yes_ . In the front seat. _And_ you took me to a diner.”

 

“That’s- That’s not the point! You’re not…” There’s a reason, right? But if he’s honest even he’s not sure why. It just felt like… _no_. That kind of thinking isn’t going to get him anywhere. “It’s not like you’re a _threat_.”

 

“I could strangle you right now if I wanted to.” Dirk shrugs, and Todd as the decency to look at least mildly alarmed.

 

“Well, _yeah_ but-”

 

“There’s a gun in the glovebox right in front of me,” Dirk laughs, as he interrupts him. “I could _shoot_ you.”

 

Todd doesn’t even think before he yells at him.

 

“That _gun_ isn’t even _loaded_!”

 

Dirk raises his eyebrows, and gives him the most _infuriatingly_ smug grin he’s _ever_ seen in his life, looking for all the world like a very satisfied cat.

 

“I rest my case,” he says, crossing one leg over the other and sitting up in his seat. Todd wants to hit him.

 

“Look, just. No, okay? No,” he sighs heavily, re-adjusting his grip on the wheel as the fight leaves him. “You have some weird… _idea_ of how the world works, and that’s _fine_. But I’m not a- I’m a _terrible_ person, doing a terrible thing, and you should- you shouldn’t let me get away with that.”

 

“What, do you want me to beat you up about it too?” He raises his eyebrows in question. “Because you seem to have that handled.”

 

He’s driving, and he _shouldn’t_ , but he screws his eyes shut just for a moment. “Just stop, okay? Just- _don’t._ ”

 

Dirk holds his hands up in surrender, but he still looks vaguely pleased with himself in a way Todd doesn’t appreciate.

 

“Whatever keeps you sane,” he says. Todd breathes a sigh of relief, more than happy to leave it there, except then Dirk spots a sign on the road and appears to go from smug to excitable in a fraction of a millisecond. He’s unbelievably hard to keep up with at times.

 

“Todd! They’re selling ice cream! We should _definitely_ get ice cream.”

 

Todd grits his teeth and wills himself to say no. Just say no to this _one_ thing. Be an asshole about it. But the awareness that this could be Dirk’s last day as a free man, or even a _living_ one, is simmering away at the back of his head, and even though he tries to press on he finds his resolve wavering before long.

 

“ _Fine_ ,” he grits out eventually. “But you’re not eating it in the car.”

 

“Fine. But I want at _least_ three flavours,” he bargains. Todd is willing to give him anything for an easy life. An easy _hour_ at this rate. He’s still reluctant when he pulls off the road to head towards the little shop though.

 

Fifteen minutes later and Dirk is happily making a mess of himself with whatever the neon coloured monstrosity he’d probably bankrupted Todd with actually _is_ , and he congratulates himself on making sure he’d stayed out of the car. The last thing he wants to do right now is deal with that, he just hopes Dirk picked up enough napkins.

 

He’s making his way through his own, two scoops of strawberry he’d been talked into by Dirk who insisted ice cream wasn’t as fun if you eat it alone, but he’s mostly just pushing it around the tub with the little plastic spoon they’d given him.

 

“Ice cream really is _amazing_ isn’t it?” Dirk sighs happily. “All those flavours. It’s like… an _infinite_ amount of flavour combinations, which is impressive in itself really, but _then_ they put it in a little holder that you can _eat_. Why isn’t everything like that? Always expanding and infinitely edible. Kind of like the universe! Well, except from… maybe you _could_ eat it? I’m not sure how it would work but, if food is made of the same things that the universe is made of it wouldn’t be _entirely_ out of the question. What do you think it would taste like? Probably something boring. Like vanilla. Or _maybe_ -”

 

“Are you going to eat that? Or just let it melt?” To be fair to him there isn’t much of it left, but what _is_ left is threatening to tip over and melt all over his jacket where he’s put it down on the table, which he’s decided to sit on. Dirk seems oddly precious about his jacket, and it’s another thing Todd doesn’t want to have to listen to him complain about.

 

“Oh!” is the only response he gets before Dirk goes back to it. Todd doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone so enthusiastic about ice cream before, not even Amanda when they stopped off on the way home from school. Dirk is enthusiastic about, well, everything really. It’s one of the things Todd… he doesn’t _like_ it about him. But he _appreciates_ it, maybe. It suits him.

 

God, what is he even thinking?

 

“Guess we should-” he throws his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the car once Dirk has finished with his cone, and his own has turned to a sticky kind of soup in the bottom of the tub.

 

“Right, yes, of course.” Dirk nods, jumping down from the table and brushing off his jacket before he puts it back on. “Wouldn’t want to waste too much time.”

 

“It’s not-” Todd starts without thinking, shaking his head at himself because it _is_ a waste of time. It’s one the people he works for wouldn’t be at all happy about, if he’s honest. But then, he supposes, as he watches Dirk pointing out clouds that look like animals, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

 

He hopes it won’t hurt _him_ either.

 

***

 

For a man potentially inching ever closer to his own death, Dirk doesn’t seem all that phased by it, but Todd is starting to suspect he’s mostly in denial. In a way it helps ease his own guilt, Dirk carrying on like nothing bad is happening allows him to think nothing is happening at all, which means he isn’t doing anything, so he doesn’t have to worry about the potential outcomes of that thing he’s not doing.

 

It’s not a flawless system.

 

But, he concedes, it makes laughing along to Dirk’s questionable dancing to whatever atrocity is playing on the radio far easier. Todd is willing to take a break from self beration to watch the way he flops back into his seat with breathless laughter, the sun just starting to set in the window behind him.

 

They could get there tonight.

 

If Todd put his foot down, if he stopped driving like he was carrying something prone to breaking, if he actually _made_ the speed limit, if he stopped giving into demands for tea and ice cream and at least a _look_ at a tourist trap that claimed to have been visited by aliens. (Dirk had declared that a lie as soon as he’d looked at the place, but he’d still insisted on looking inside.) If he stopped all that and focused on what he should be doing there’s still time to get there. By morning Dirk could be gone, and he could be driving back home to his sister to make sure she’s safe, fifty thousand dollars better off for it. The thought _should_ fill him with relief, but it doesn’t. Instead there’s just a hollow feeling that threatens to crawl its way up his throat and choke him. He _could_ get there tonight.

 

“Hey,” he says instead, knowing full well that no matter what he _is_ willing to do, he’s not willing to take one last night away from him. He doesn’t want to think about what that says about him. “I have an idea.”

 

Dirk doesn’t even ask what it is, just tilts his head with a curious smile. “I suppose I can get on board with that.”

 

Todd is _so_ screwed.

 

His plan is nowhere near as fun and inspired as Dirk’s tend to be, but it’s _something_. Todd has to give him something. Even if pizza and beer is more a memory from his band days than a suitable last meal for anyone, Dirk doesn’t seem to be complaining.

 

By the time they find somewhere to pull over the sun has set, stars just starting to peek through the navy-grey of the evening sky. He’s sure to shrug on his jacket as he retrieves said pizza and beer from the back seat, inclining his head for Dirk to follow him round to the back of the car. Todd watches him hop up onto the trunk, wiggling his eyebrows at him when Todd hands his pizza over.

 

“There’s uh-” He clears his throat, leaning back against the car as he speaks. “There’s meant to be a full moon tonight,” he shrugs, a little uncomfortable with the admission like he’s giving something away. “It said, on the radio the other day. The sky stays pretty clear out here so…” he trails off with a shrug, opening his own pizza box and shoving a slice into his mouth before he can say any more.

 

“Is that what the garlic bread is for?” he asks. Todd frowns at him in confusion. “To ward off the werewolves?”

 

“I- That’s _vampires,_ ” he says, more disbelieving than anything. “Vampires are the ones who don’t like garlic. Well, they wouldn’t if they existed, I guess. Werewolves are… did you seriously not know that?” The amusement is clear in his voice, but Dirk just shrugs.

 

“There are a _lot_ of things that aren’t real, and then they suddenly are. It gets hard to keep track sometimes.”

 

Todd remains sceptical, but side-eyes him as he turns back to his pizza. “Do you need me to tell you which one is the moon?”

 

“No, Todd. I think I’ve got that one, thank you. Although I’ll be sure to ask your expertise on any aliens that happen to pass through.” Todd can’t tell if he’s joking or not, so he just shakes his head and leaves him to his pizza.

 

The next half hour passes mostly in silence as they eat together, Dirk piping up to give random facts every now and again, but otherwise quiet. He can hear the far off sound of traffic, the road they’re going to have to drive down tomorrow. Out here it sounds almost like a dream rather than a horrible nightmare that’s just waiting to pounce on him.

 

Eventually, Todd finds himself sat on the floor, back resting against the back bumper and head tilted back as he stares up at the stars that have come out in full force now it’s dark enough. They finished eating a while ago, and Dirk has maintained his peaceful silence ever since Todd had handed him a bottle of beer, cheap and nasty stuff he’d picked up at the last stop. Last night of freedom, he supposes. The thought is just as bitter as the taste of it on his tongue. He’s two bottles in by now, and he doesn’t think Dirk is far behind. They both have their own reasons for wanting to drown their sorrows.

 

“Am I a bad person?” He directs it up at the sky, maybe at the notion of God, taking a mouthful from his bottle because it’s an excuse. It’s a reason. He can’t drive if he’s been drinking. They can’t go any further than this tonight. He shouldn’t be putting it off, but it’s too late now, he’s already started drinking. Maybe if he drinks enough they’ll lose most of tomorrow too.

 

“Hard to say,” Dirk pipes up from where he’s perched on top of the trunk, and Todd tips his head towards the sound of his voice, but he doesn’t look away from the sky. “On the one hand, you've kidnapped a person, kept them in the boot of your car, and are going to hand them over to an unspoken evil.” Todd snorts, ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach as he keeps drinking. “But on the other hand, you don't seem to feel all that great about it. I suppose it’s a matter of perspective.”

 

It’s an understatement, and Todd feels suddenly like he’s going to cry. He drops his head back down, resting his arms on his knees and letting the bottle hang loosely from his hand between them. He has to make a decision, and he has to be _sure_. They don’t have much time left and if he leaves it much longer he doesn’t know what he’ll do. He feels very much like there’s an axe above his head and he’s waiting for it to fall. Part of him wishes it would, kill him now and spare him the decision.

 

[“I didn’t know,” he admits, voice rough, little more than a whisper but he’s fairly sure Dirk can hear him anyway. It’s pretty quiet out here. “I didn’t know it was… that you were… If I’d _known-_ ”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734625/chapters/36583476) he’d what? Have let someone else pick him up? Todd knows full well he would never have gotten involved in that situation without being forced into it, and now here he is. It’s not comforting. He shakes his head, pressing the heel of his free hand into his eye. “You said you know who they are? The people waiting for you?”

 

Dirk hesitates for a long moment. “Yes.”

 

Todd swallows, eyes darting towards him. “Do you know what they want?”

 

“Yes.” Dirk isn’t looking at him, staring at the stars himself now. Todd knows enough by now to know Dirk’s mind tends to work in a rather fantastical way. He wonders what he sees there.

 

“Can’t you just… I don’t know,” he shrugs, out of his depth and trying to find an answer. “Give it to them?”

 

Dirk laughs, but it’s small and bitter and twists Todd’s stomach into knots. “It’s not that simple.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Dirk just sighs heavily.

 

“I _am_ what they want.” He’s still staring upwards but its pointed now, purposefully avoiding Todd’s gaze.

 

“Why do they want you?” He keeps his voice soft, feeling more and more like he needs to tread carefully, but he wants to understand at least part of what’s going on. He _needs_ to.

 

“Oh, well, that’s just _charming_. I know I’m not the best of company but I think I can at least-”

 

“ _Dirk_.”

 

The tone of his voice knocks all the fake bravado out of Dirk’s. “Yes?”

 

Todd chews on his lip for a moment, looking away. “Are they going to kill you?”

 

He sounds almost like he regrets his words when he says, “No.”

 

Todd picks at his bottle label, stomach turning. “Are they… going to do something worse than that?”

 

Dirk’s shoulders have gone stiff, and his words match. “It’s probably better if you don’t know. It’ll make it easier.”

 

Todd frowns, shaking his head. “What did you do?”

 

“I’m sorry?” He turns to face him, leaning forward over the edge to see him better.

 

“I…” Todd feels wrongfooted by his confusion, but he keeps going. “If people want to hurt you, if they went to all this trouble to get to you, you must have done something, right?”

 

Dirk’s smile is understanding, but bitter. Todd hates it. “I ran away.” He fidgets his fingers in his lap, looking down at his hands. “It was… well. _Years_ ago now, I almost thought they’d forgotten about it,” he shrugs again, but now he looks small and defeated by it. “They don’t want me, they want me _back_. I’ve been there before. I… I was there for a _long_ time.”

 

Todd swallows, liking this conversation less and less with every word out of his mouth. “And it was... bad?”

 

His smile tips past bitter, twisting into something that makes him look almost like he’s going to start crying.

 

“Awful,” the word is whispered, Dirk’s shoulders hunching in on themselves and Todd can tell from the look in his eyes that it’s not an act. He should stop asking questions.

 

“Why were you there?” Or not.

 

“They…” Dirk laughs, running a hand through his hair. “They thought I had _psychic powers_.”

 

It’s almost absurd enough to make Todd laugh, if it wasn’t for the gravity with which he says it.

 

“...Do you?” It’s strange, sure, but Todd’s learned enough of him that he could almost believe it, or that there’s _something_ going on at least. Dirk is odd in his own way, but there’s more to it than that.

 

“No! I mean, not like _that_. Not in the way they thought I just…” Dirk shakes his head, picking at his bottle label.

 

“What?”

 

“I always end up exactly where I need to be,” he finishes lamely. Spreading his hands out like he was going for jazz hands and thought better of it at the last minute. Todd can’t help it as his mouth twists into a reluctant smile.

 

“Oh yeah?” he asks, raising a sarcastic eyebrow at him. “How’s that working out for you?” From where he’s sitting, it’s looking pretty terrible.

 

To his surprise, rather than raining accusations on him Dirk’s face softens into a smile he can only describe as _fond_. “Well, you know,” his voice is gentle, bordering on playful, and there’s something warm, something _affectionate_ in his eyes when he looks at him. “Not so bad, as it happens.”

 

Todd stares at him for a long moment, caught up in the way Dirk is watching him right back, open and unashamed. There’s something there, something he wants to lean into, but he manages to snap himself out of it, shaking his head as he turns back to his bottle, drinking more than he should in one go as he tries to wash away whatever the hell that was between them that’s now pooling warmly in the bottom of his stomach. If he drinks enough he can blame it on the alcohol, god knows he’s done enough of that before now.

 

“Are you always this optimistic?” he asks, lacking the bite he’d hoped for.

 

Dirk hums, finally looking away to look back up at the sky, soft smile still in place on his face. “Only when I have reason to be.”

 

“Yeah?” he asks, working open another couple of bottles and handing one over to him. “What’s the reason?”

 

He’s not expecting an answer, not really, so it’s hardly a surprise that the one he gets is as evasive as it is.

 

“You’ll see.”

 

Todd rolls his eyes, relaxing back into the metal as he drinks his way through the next bottle. “You think you’re so mysterious.”

 

“Maybe I just like winding you up,” he grins, moving to lay on his back along the back of the car, feet hanging off the end. “Your eyebrows go all-” He makes some kind of motion with his hands that Todd can’t even see and isn’t sure he wants to. “It’s cute.”

 

He states it so matter-of-factly that Todd nearly chokes on his beer. “ _W_ _hat_? I’m- I’m not _cute_.”

 

Apparently the only response Dirk has to his protest is to start giggling, and Todd wonders if maybe he should have kept better track of how much they were drinking. He’s not sure the world would stay steady for him either if he stood up right now.

 

“Dirk, I _literally_ kidnapped you,” he argues, but he finds himself laughing with it too, unable to escape just how infectious his giggling is.

 

“Oh _shush_. You _barely_ kidnapped me, you didn’t even know I was _there_ ! That’s just… _lazy_. I’m taking off a star.”

 

“For _what_?!” He doesn’t know why the implication of going down on Dirk’s fake ratings system even bothers him, but in his slightly inebriated state it _does_.

 

“Lack of effort,” he states simply, dropping his hand down over the edge to poke Todd’s head.

 

“Lack of… _unbelievable_. ‘Lack of effort.’ I listened to the fucking _Spice_ _Girls_ for you.”

 

“S’okay.” He’s given up poking him to pet his hair instead, Todd hasn’t pulled away even though he knows, somewhere, that he probably should. “You’re not-” he interrupts himself with a yawn, and Todd realises just how late it is. They should probably get some sleep. He’s not sure he wants the night to end just yet. “You’re good.”

 

It shouldn’t make him feel warm all over, not when he’s aware of how _wrong_ Dirk is about that. But he says it like he believes it, and he’s not willing to argue with him now.

 

“Come on,” he says instead, pushing himself off the floor and having to steady himself against the car when the world decides to spin around him. He’s definitely had more than he should have. “We should… _sleep_. Sleep would be…”

 

“Mm,” Dirk agrees, having closed his eyes and looking for all the world like he’s about to take a nap right there.

 

“ _No_ ,” Todd shoves his shoulder, “inside. C’mon.”

 

It turns out, that getting a drunk Dirk Gently to stand up and do as he’s told is no easier than getting him to do it sober. It also involves a lot more touching, as Todd finds out when he catches him just before he faceplants the ground and Dirk takes that as an invitation to plaster himself to his side and use him for support.

 

Todd can’t say he minds as much as he should.

 

“You…” Dirk starts, Todd swaying under his unsteady weight on his own unsteady feet as he fumbles to get the door open. “You’re a _lot_ stronger than you look.”

 

He sounds surprised, if pleasantly, and he’s not sure whether he should be offended, but he doesn’t get chance to find out when he finally gets Dirk into the back seat, and Dirk takes a handful of his shirt and drags him down with him.

 

His cry of shock as he goes down is met only by more giggles.

 

“Oops,” Dirk apologises, not sounding very sorry about it at all. “So am I.”

 

Todd huffs, reluctantly amused but still very, _very_ aware of how close they’re pressed right now. “You’re _drunk_.”

 

Dirk hums, keeping a tight grip on Todd’s shirt. “So are _you_.”

 

“I’m- _barely_ …” He shakes his head, because he’s drunker than he intended to be, even if it’s not as drunk as he _wants_ to be. He has to be the responsible one here, he _has_ to do something even if the fuzzy, warm feeling in his brain is caught up in the way Dirk is looking at him like he can’t quite believe he’s real. “We should-” he swallows heavily. “ _I_ should-”

 

“ _Stay_ ,” it’s little more than a whisper, but it steals the breath right out of Todd’s lungs. Dirk’s smile has gone soft around the edges, pulling him down a little more until Todd’s head is tucked under his chin and he sighs happily. “I need a blanket.”

 

Todd snorts at the reasoning, but he lacks the conviction to make himself leave. Not when it isn’t what Dirk wants. Not when it isn’t what _he_ wants. He can feel the rise and fall of his chest like this, hear his heartbeat slowing as he relaxes under him, seemingly content to fall asleep now it looks like Todd isn’t going anywhere. He _could_ sneak out to the front seat once he’s drifted off, but he already knows he’s not going to.

 

He’s _weak_.

 

He’s always been weak, always been _selfish_ and this? This might be the most selfish thing he’s done yet. No matter how many ways he can twist it in his head to make it seem like he’s just doing this because Dirk asked him to, he knows himself too well to believe it.

 

He’s warm, solid in a way he hadn’t quite expected. On some level he’d wondered if maybe Dirk would be just as fleeting as his thoughts. It makes more sense that he isn’t.

 

“I didn’t know,” he whispers, soft enough that he thinks it could just get lost in the fabric of his shirt.

 

[“Shh,” Dirk shushes him. Todd can hear how close to sleep he is, and he _wants_ to leave him to it. But there’s a lump in his throat he can’t ignore, a helpless feeling clawing at his chest and he has to shut his eyes to stop himself from crying. He curls into him a little more, taking comfort where he knows he shouldn’t.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734625/chapters/36583569)

 

“I’m- I _have_ to.” His voice is thick with unshed tears even though the words are barely audible by now. “I’m sorry.”

 

Dirk moves his hand to pet at his hair, clumsy with sleep and ending up mostly just resting it on top of his head.

 

“S’okay,” he promises again, no louder than Todd had managed. “Universe’ll fix it.”

 

Todd can’t say he believes much in Dirk’s convictions about the universe, and he’s certainly never had much cause to believe that anything else might be looking out for him. Right now he could use some of that though, and his last thought before he lets himself drift off is that for once, he hopes Dirk is right.

 

He doesn’t know what they’ll do if he isn’t.

 

***

 

Tension isn’t a strong enough word for what it is that fills up the small space of the car the next day.

 

They’d woken up still tangled together, the morning light far too bright for their matching headaches. Dirk had tried to say something, but Todd had cut him off before he could, extracting himself from the back seat and stumbling out of the car.

 

That was the last time either of them had tried to speak.

 

Todd had forgone painkillers, although he’d handed some to Dirk in a gesture that seems entirely inconsequential now he thinks about it. Not thinking about it isn’t an option anymore though, and he tries his best to keep his eyes fixed dead ahead instead of sneaking guilty glances in Dirk’s direction every few seconds like he wants to.

 

There’s no way to make this easier.

 

The weight of it is palpable, bearing down on him and making it hard to breathe. He feels like someone has wrapped an iron bar around his chest and only intends to keep squeezing tighter and tighter until he explodes. He’s known guilt before, what he’d thought was the worst of it, but it hadn’t been _anything_ like this. A repeating track in his head that he can’t escape, that he only knows is going to get louder once he leaves him behind. A stabbing pain in his gut that he thinks may haunt him still, years down the line. The dizzy, lightheaded way he can’t quite catch his breath, even though there’s no reason he should find that difficult. It _hurts_. Taking him apart piece by piece already just from _knowing_ what he's going to do. He can only imagine how much worse it will be after.

 

But it’s nothing he doesn’t deserve, he tells himself. Nothing he can’t learn to live with. As long as Amanda is safe he can put up with just about anything. He _has_ to. Besides, it’s probably nothing compared to what Dirk is going through right now. Todd has never seen him so quiet.

 

It’s not a silence he feels like he can break.

 

Silence makes him small, he realises. Staring listlessly out of the window with his shoulders tense, hunched in on himself like he could make himself disappear if he tried hard enough. Todd wants to reach out to him, to say something, but he can’t imagine anything he does would bring comfort to him now. Maybe it had been a mistake to open the trunk in the first place. Maybe he’d feel less guilty if Dirk had just stayed an annoying, anonymous voice in the back of the car. Maybe if he’d never woken up in the first place he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.

 

He feels angry suddenly, hot and irrational flooding through his system. It won’t fix anything, but _god_ if it doesn’t feel better than guilt. Being angry at Ollie for not telling him, angry at the people who set this up in the first place, at the people who are looking for Dirk, the people who are threatening his sister, at the fucking _friend_ who’d told him about the people looking for a delivery driver all those years ago. At himself for being stupid enough to take it. For being selfish enough to stick with it even now. Maybe, secretly, somewhere he doesn’t want to admit, at _Dirk_ , for being too good natured to hurt him and run away because it makes this whole thing _harder_.

 

There’s a need to apologise spiralling in his head, to try and explain, maybe to ask for forgiveness. He feels like some kind of proverbial Judas, and while he _knows_ he’s screwed people over before now, this one feels different. He’d thought maybe he’d grown out of that, that when he told himself he wouldn’t do it again he’d meant it. Maybe he was wrong though, maybe he’s always been this way and always will be. If that’s true his apologies mean nothing. Forgiveness would mean nothing. In the end it will all mean nothing anyway, because in half an hour Dirk will be gone, and he’ll have to work out what it is he’s supposed to do while he spends the rest of his life trying not to think about him.

 

He bites his tongue to keep the silence, and keeps on heading forward. The next half hour passes both far too quickly and far too slowly all at once, and it feels like he’s aged a decade by the time the SatNav cheerily announces that they’ve reached their destination. The next directions are written, but he already has a pretty good idea of where he’s going when he spots the empty looking building up ahead. He knows a good place to make an exchange when he sees one, but even so, pulling into the drop point is one of the most nerve wracking things he's ever done in his life.

 

Dirk is remains silent in the passenger seat, and Todd can feel his own throat close up with everything he doesn't know how to say. There’s so much he needs to tell him, but they aren’t going to have the time even if he _could_ put it into words. In a moment he's going to have to get Dirk to go back into the trunk, and he doesn't know if it will be worse if he fights or if he goes willingly, but either way Todd can already feel the guilt starting to gnaw at his stomach. Up until now he'd managed to pretend to some extent that this wasn't happening, or that some other solution would present itself. It hadn't though, and now here he is, stuck in a situation he'd never even imagined a person could _actually_ end up in.

 

There’s no way to justify what he’s about to do.

 

And then, somehow, by some gross twist of fate, it manages to get _worse_.

 

Todd has done hundreds of drops, he knows how they work, has them down to a routine by now. Go in, drop the car, pick up the new empty car, leave. Whatever it is he’s delivered gets picked up in a couple of hours to make it less suspicious. He's never once had to deviate from that plan, but then he's never had something like this happen before.

 

There's a group of men who have beaten them there. Most of them have their faces covered, hanging around a black van that Todd can only describe as being military, but one of them is sat on the trunk of the car he's meant to be taking out of here once he's dropped this one off. He looks bored, but somehow amused at the same time, and the only word he can think of to describe the way he turns towards the car when they drive in is _unsettling_.

 

Todd hears Dirk’s sharp intake of breath when he sees him, so it's clearly someone he knows, and from the way he freezes in place nothing good has come from it. Todd doesn't understand why they're here, it's not how drops work, and there's no way they could have found out that he knows about Dirk, could they? Everything about this is _wrong_ and in a different way to everything else that’s happened so far, the kind of wrong that makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, the kind that sets off every primal alarm bell he has that tells him he should _run_.

 

“You know these guys?” he asks, trying not to let on just how unnerved he feels right now.

 

Dirk nods tightly, eyes fixed on the man who just smiles and waves his fingers when he sees him. He's terrified, Todd doesn't need anyone to tell him that, Dirk is pale and shaking, trying to push himself back into his seat whether he's aware of it or not and Todd swallows hard, turning his gaze back to the man as he tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

 

They're armed to the teeth, only Todd can't work out _why,_ because if _he_ can manage Dirk he doesn't see why these guys would have a problem with it.

 

“I- they're dangerous. I don't want you to-” He swallows and shakes his head, like the thought is too much to bear. “I should-” his voice is little more than a trembling whisper, and Todd notices his hand reaching out for the door handle, shaking despite his conviction. The man is grinning now, leaning forward and balancing the point of the knife he'd been playing with against his thigh in a way that _must_ be digging in but doesn't seem to bother him.

 

“That's a nice trick you pulled, getting to ride up front like that.” There's no warmth in his voice, just the sound of it makes Todd's skin crawl. “But you _really_ ought to know better by now.” Todd doesn’t have the first idea what he means, but from the looks of things Dirk does. “You should say goodbye to your little friend, I’m sure he’s got trouble all of his own to be in. It’s time for you to come home.”

 

Todd doesn't know what it is that does it. The terror-stricken look on Dirk’s face, the sadistic edge to the smile the man is giving him, something about his words perhaps, or the way Dirk wraps his shaking fingers around the handle like he's _actually_ going to open it and hand himself over to these people willingly, without any kind of fight.

 

He does the first thing he can think of, despite how _monumentally_ stupid it is.

 

He hits the door lock.

 

“Get down,” he tells him, trying to keep it as quiet as possible, trying to look like he hasn’t said anything at all.

 

Dirk turns to look at him with wild eyes, he whispers back but it’s louder than it should be. “ _What_?”

 

The man tilts his head as he meets Todd's eyes, and adjusts his grip on his gun. There’s a split second where Todd feels like a bug under a microscope, before the man just smiles ever so slightly and he feels it in his gut. He's been made.

 

Fuck it. Turns out he can’t do this after all.

 

“ _Down_ , now!”

 

He doesn't give Dirk chance to process before he slams the car into reverse and pulls them round in a wide arc, heading back to the road with nothing in his head except _go_ and _fast_. It’s not pretty, and he loses a wing mirror to the wall on the way out, but they manage to make it at least to the exit before there’s _too_ much of a reaction.

 

Dirk yelps when the pinging of bullets ricocheting off the car starts raining down on them, finally actually ducking like he was told, and Todd just presses his foot to the floor in the hope it will make them less likely to be hit. If they take out the tyres, they’re screwed, and he has no way to dodge that so he just has to get them as far out of range as possible.

 

“What are you _doing?!”_ Dirk asks, like Todd is the crazy one, like he wasn't about to hand himself over to those people for no good reason.

 

“I don't know!” he yells back, because he really doesn't. He has no idea where to go or what to do, no idea how long he can get away with going this fast before they get pulled over or they run out of gas. No idea what the _fuck_ he was thinking when they know where he lives, they know about _Amanda_ , the whole reason he stuck with this in the first place was because he didn't want either of them to get hurt and now…

 

But he couldn't leave Dirk with those people, couldn't let him hand himself over so willingly, and god he still needs to ask him why the _hell_ he thought that was a good idea. He dragged himself up to the apex, and when he got there he just _couldn't._

 

 _Coward_ , a small voice in the back of his head whispers as the bullets die down and it seems like they're starting to lose them.

 

Somewhere, an even smaller voice whispers _good._

 

He ignores them both, right now they need to get somewhere safe enough to figure out what to do next. He’ll have plenty of time for a crisis once they've settled this. Or rather, _if_ they settle this, because as he’s starting to notice, their car isn’t exactly made for high speed getaways.

 

But neither, it seems, are heavily armoured trucks, and Todd just hopes to god he can get them far enough away from them before they run out of gas.

 

“You’re _insane_!” Dirk yells, but he sounds almost like he’s going to start laughing, which Todd can only assume is a good thing. “Are you- Did you think this through at _all_? What about the people you work for, what about your _sister_?”

 

All valid points, but not ones he’s interested in hearing right now.

 

“Can’t you just… thank me for saving your life like a normal person would?” The adrenaline coursing through his system turns his voice to laughter as well, slightly hysterical as he takes a turn way too fast and the feeling of it knocks him sick.

 

“If I survive your _driving_ then I will!”

 

Right now Todd _really_ can’t argue with that.

 

Instead he focuses on _not_ getting them killed, winding through turns as fast as he thinks he can handle, and narrowly avoiding slamming into a row of parked cars as he takes them out of the city. If he was with anyone else he’d marvel at the fact that the cops haven’t started chasing them, but given how much Dirk seems to have prevented simply by _being_ here, he just tries to be glad for it.

 

When he _finally_ deems it safe enough he pulls into a mostly deserted back alley, hoping it will lend them some more cover if they’re still being followed. If they find them now they won’t be able to do anything about it anyway, but it makes him feel safer.

 

His heart is pounding in his chest, panting for breath and feeling far more sick and dizzy than he thinks is fair. He feels like he’s run a marathon, and Dirk still looks vaguely shocked by the whole experience from where he’s staring at him from the passenger seat.

 

“Who-” He shakes his head, trying to find his breath. “Who even _were_ those guys?”

 

“CIA.” There’s a note of disbelief in his voice, but he states it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

Todd laughs, mostly relief but equally disbelieving as he tips his head back against the headrest.

 

“ _Fuck_ man. That was… that was some shit. The _CIA_ ? You gotta be fucking _kidding_ ,” he trusts that he isn’t though, Dirk seems past joking at the moment. “Shit, and they were only gonna give me 50k. Those _fuckers_.”

 

“Todd,” Dirk’s voice sounds distant, and it must still be shock because he isn’t laughing when he turns towards him, he’s just staring back. His own smile freezes in place, morphing slowly into concern as he watches him.

 

“You okay?”

 

Dirk nods shakily. Opening and closing his mouth a few times before he can get the words out.  “I… I think you just saved my life.”

 

“What?” he huffs out a breath of laughter, shaking his head. “I don’t… I was just driving. It wasn’t _that-_ ”

 

“ _Todd_.” It’s the most serious he thinks he’s ever heard Dirk sound, and for a moment he forgets exactly why he was even arguing in the first place.

 

“Yeah?” His mouth feels dry, unsure he’s capable of saying much else. There’s been tension in the car before, but never quite like this, and he doesn’t know what to do with it now it’s here.

 

Dirk seems to have some idea though.

 

“Shut up.”  

 

Before Todd can offer any kind of protest, Dirk is fisting his hand into his shirt and pulling him across the centre console and into a kiss.

 

It’s soft, is the first thing that strikes him when he manages to catch up to what’s happening. Soft, but sure, like there isn’t a doubt in Dirk’s mind that this is the best course of action he could take right now, and despite his contrary nature Todd would be hard pressed to disagree.

 

Still, it’s surprising enough that all he can do when they pull apart is blink at him. It had been a brief thing, almost chaste, but he’d received the message loud and clear and now the only thing left to do is _say_ something, because the longer he doesn’t the more Dirk looks like he might be starting to regret it.

 

“ _Shit_.” Dirk speaks before he can, and it’s not fair, because Todd always takes longer to find his words and if he’d just give him a little more _time_ he could- “sorry. _Sorry,”_ he laughs, shaking his head as he turns away, running nervous fingers through his hair. “Just the whole… _not dying_ thing made me-”

 

“No. No it’s…” He struggles to work out exactly what _it_ is, and instead ends up shrugging his shoulders. “We’re alive. That’s… something.”

 

Dirk nods, but he isn’t looking at him anymore and Todd can feel the moment slipping away like sand through his fingers. He doesn’t know what to say, what to _do_ , doesn’t know if it’s selfish to want to try it again.

 

He _definitely_ wants to try it again.

 

“Hey-” The relief he feels when Dirk looks over at him hopefully is short lived when he’s cut off by his phone ringing loudly in his pocket.

 

**_Ollie_ **

 

The screen announces when he finally gets it free, and Todd has never particularly _liked_ seeing his name, but right now he hates it more than ever. The dread that fills his stomach when he realises _why_ he’s calling is the worst he’s ever felt.

 

“ _Shit_ ,” he curses, shoving the phone back into his pocket unanswered as he lets it ring out. He has to think, and _fast._ “Okay,” he runs a hand through his hair, the relief from getting away from the first problem well and truly gone now he’s run into a second, bigger one. The one he was trying to avoid in the first place. “Okay, shit, we need to-”

 

“What’s wrong?” Dirk looks just as worried as he feels, and Todd hates that he’s been dragged into this too, but there’s nothing else for it now because he can’t hand him over. There has to be _some_ way to get out of this, but he doesn’t have anything to work with.

 

Or at least, he thinks as his eyes drift over to the glove box, he doesn’t have anything _fun_.

 

“Do you trust me?” he asks, and it sounds ridiculous even to his ears, but he already knows Dirk’s answer, leaning across him to retrieve the gun, this time bringing the ammunition with it.

 

“Yes, but-”

 

“Great,” he nods, fumbling to get the gun re-loaded. “I need you to shoot me.”

 

“Todd, I think you’re overreacting just a _little_ -”

 

“No, _listen_ to me. There’s no way the guys I work for are going to let this go without a damn good reason, okay? Maybe not even then. They’ll come after me, they’ll come after _Amanda_ and- I can’t let that happen. So I need you to shoot me.” He holds the gun out to him, and Dirk takes it as gingerly as possible.

 

“I don’t see how-”

 

Todd makes a frustrated sound, throwing the car door open and going round to drag Dirk out of his side and into the grime of the alleyway. They haven’t got much time before he’s going to have to answer his phone.

 

“I’ll tell them you got the gun off me, that I got distracted when people were there and they shouldn’t have been and you made me get us out of there. Then, I’ll tell them that you shot me, you took the car, and you _left_.” He holds the car keys out to him, and Dirk takes them with shaking hands. “But in order for that to happen, you _need_ to shoot me.”

 

“I- honestly Todd, I don’t think I _can_. I mean- that’s- I could _kill_ you!”

 

And yeah, okay, maybe he hasn’t thought this through as much as he should, but he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. Given the way Dirk is holding the gun like he’d very much rather _not_ be, Todd doesn’t put much stock in his ability to _aim_ the damn thing, let alone actually hit him with it. He’s not convinced he could get to a hospital in time either.

 

“I- _fine_ ,” he runs a hand through his hair, tugging on it when his phone starts ringing _again_ and he forces himself to ignore it. “Fine. You- You’re just gonna have to hit me with it instead.”

 

Dirk shakes his head, holding the gun out in front of him and looking for all the world like he’d rather be anywhere else right now. He can relate to the feeling.

 

“I don’t… I’ve never-” He’s starting to spiral, and Todd can’t afford to lose him, not now. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

“Come on,” Todd takes his hands, trying to steady them as best he can. “Just one hit, as hard as you can on the back of the head, okay? I used to get way worse than that at gigs. I can handle it,” he smiles, but it’s weak and he knows Dirk can see right through it.

 

“I am _really_ not good with violence.” He’s shaking his head so much Todd is worried he’s going to give _himself_ a concussion. He’s fast running out of patience though, the only plan he had is rapidly unravelling in front of his eyes, and it’s not going to be long before someone comes looking for them. They haven’t got time. “I’m sorry, I _can’t-_ ”

 

“What do you _mean_ you can’t!” He throws his hands up in the air, aware they shouldn’t be drawing attention to themselves but unable to help it. “I kidnapped you, Dirk! I- I kept you locked in a trunk, and I drove you miles and miles away to hand you over to some people who wanted to kill you, or torture you, or what-the-fuck- _ever_ they were going to do to you. Somebody offered me money to kidnap an _actual human person_ and I said yes! I’m a _terrible_ person. I fucking-” he’s tearing up, he can _feel_ it, and it’s only made more obvious when his voice cracks around the next words. “I _deserve_ this, okay? So just- fucking _hit_ me!”

 

“No!” He hadn’t been expecting Dirk to yell back at him, and it takes him by surprise. It’s less surprising that he looks like he’s about to burst into tears as well, because they’re both useless at this, apparently. “ _No_ . I- You’re _not_ a terrible person. You didn’t kidnap me! You said it yourself, you didn’t even _know_ I was there! We’ve both just- we’ve both been pulled into an _impossible_ situation, and it’s not _fair_. But you _aren’t_ a bad person, and okay, maybe there are _some_ things you could have done better, but look at where we are, Todd! You- they had _guns_ and _body armour_ and- and whatever the _hell_ is a road-legal version of a _tank_ and you just- you-” He shakes his head, and they’re both crying now, Dirk still holding the gun out but with his hand clenched into a fist around the car keys like he’s trying to hold himself back from something. “I am _not_ going to knock you out just because you think you deserve it. You _saved_ my _life_.”

 

“Right,” he agrees, because any other time he would argue that until he lost his voice, but at this point he’s willing to do anything to just get him to hit him and go. There isn’t enough time.  “I saved your life. So... I _need_ you to do this. Just this one thing. I know it’s-” Todd has never really had much problem hitting people, especially people who deserved it, but Dirk is much less of an asshole than he is, and he tries to take that into account. “I need to get home to my sister. I need to make sure she’s _safe_ , okay? I can’t- I can’t _do_ that without your help. Because if I go back there without a good reason for letting you go? I- I don’t even know _what_ they’ll do but… It’s not going to be good,” he shrugs, knowing that if this doesn’t work, they’re probably screwed. “I’d rather be hit by you than killed by them. So… please?”

 

“I…” Dirk looks pale again, like the moment they’d thought they’d gotten away never happened, they’d just stalled in the warehouse when they tried. It’s in his hands now though. There isn’t really any more Todd can do to convince him, he just has to hope it’s enough.

 

For a long moment it looks like it isn’t going to be, and Todd is just about getting ready to try and panic-plan his way out of this when Dirk looks back over at him and nods.

 

“Okay.” His voice is shaking, and Todd can see how much it’s taking for him to hold himself together. “I suppose… you could show me how to do it?”

 

“Yeah.” It comes out on a rush of breath, sighing in relief even though he knows it isn’t going to be long before he regrets this plan. It’s going to hurt. “Yeah, okay, just. Do you wanna maybe… empty it first?”

 

“Oh! Yes, yes I think that would be for the best. I wouldn’t want to… yes. Quite.” The rambling is nervous, and it becomes quite obvious that Dirk doesn’t know what he’s doing. Todd takes the gun from him, he’s not at all practiced but he makes quicker work of it than Dirk would have, handing it back over to him when it’s empty.

 

“Okay, so.” He’s never actually done this before, but he knows he’s going to have to pretend to for Dirk’s sake. If he isn’t sure, then Dirk won’t be sure, and they can’t afford that. “You want to just… hold it tight, like this,” he shows him, wrapping his hands around the barrel and trying to ignore the way they’re both shaking. “Keep your fingers away from the trigger, and just… swing it as hard as you can. It’s… it’s gonna hurt, and it might knock me out,” while he’s hoping it will he’s not convinced Dirk is going to hit him hard enough for that. “If I go down, I need you to just… keep going. Take the car, throw the SatNav so they won’t be able to track you, and just drive. Doesn’t matter where. Everything else is just…” he shakes his head. “You think you can do that?”

 

Dirk does _not_ look like he can do it, but he nods his head anyway, everything about him seems determined. Todd doesn’t even try to not be impressed by how he hasn’t fallen to pieces yet, he’s pretty sure _he’s_ going to any minute.

 

“Alright,” he nods back, taking a deep breath and readying himself as best he can. “Hit me.”

 

“Todd-”

 

“No, come on.” Usually Todd would be touched by the fact that he doesn’t want to do it. Right now it’s more than a little frustrating. “Hit me.”

 

“Yes, it’s just I-”

 

“ _Hit me_.”

 

“I don’t-”

 

“Oh my god. Just- The Spice Girls suck,” he tries, even though he already knows Dirk is more likely to cry than get violent. “Tea… tea is disgusting! You use _way_ too much sugar, and that cloud you said looked like a cat? It looked _nothing_ like a cat. It looked like a _shark,_ at _best_.”

 

Dirk seems to catch on to what he’s trying to do, not that it was ever going to be that effective, but instead of calling him on it he just squares his shoulders and brings the gun up with a kind of resolve Todd wouldn’t believe he had in him if he couldn’t see it now.

 

“I’m sorry about this.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but Todd just offers him a small, understanding smile.

 

“Yeah. Me, too.”

 

Then Todd finds out quite suddenly that he was wrong about two things.

 

One, that being hit with a gun hurts _way_ more than he’d thought it would. And two, that Dirk Gently has _surprisingly_ good aim. Provided that he was in fact aiming for his head.

 

After that there isn’t much room for thinking much of anything, because the world around him goes black when his head hits the ground, and the last thing he hears is the sound of the car engine roaring back to life.

 

***

 

Todd comes round to the feeling of hard concrete and a headache that rivals his week long hangover of 2004.

 

He can only assume the incessant ringing of his phone isn’t helping with that, and he groans as he pushes himself up off the floor to lean against the wall, trying to regain some awareness before he picks up. If it rings out he’s pretty sure he’ll call again. He winces when he presses his fingers tentatively against the bruising on his head, Dirk had hit him pretty hard after all it turns out. He almost feels proud.

 

The SatNav, he notices, is off to the side where he’d told him to leave it, but the car is gone. _Dirk_ is gone. And suddenly the reality of the situation crashes down on him, throwing the blurry lines of the alleyway into sharp relief as he fumbles for his phone.

 

He stares at the screen for a moment, knowing he’s only got one chance to get this right. If he manages it, everything might turn out okay. With that he summons every ounce of angry energy he can muster, and taps the button to answer the call.

 

He spends a lot of time calling himself an asshole, but there has never been a more important time to _act_ like one.

 

“The _fuck,_ dude? I’ve been trying to call you for _hours_ , what the hell-” Ollie’s voice is not a welcome sound when his head is already pounding.

 

“Did you know there was a fucking _person_ in my trunk?” he asks, trying to sound more pissed off than scared.

 

“I know I got a call from our buyer saying _you_ jumped ship with their cargo. The big man _really_ ain’t happy.” He at least has the courtesy to sound remorseful about it. Todd doesn’t care though, Dirk is gone and he has a lie to sell. Ollie can stick his remorse.

 

“I don’t give a _fuck_ what he is.” He pulls himself up until he’s standing, leaning against the wall for support and trying to work out where he is. “There was a _person_ in my _trunk_ and nobody thought that was something I should know about? Are you serious?”

 

“You’re not supposed to know, that’s the whole _point_. You’re supposed to do your job and get paid,” Todd doesn’t think there’s a very high chance of getting paid after this. “You’re gonna go down so hard for this, I swear to god.”

 

“I’m- _I’m_ gonna go down? Why the _fuck_ would _I_ go down for _your_ mistake?”

 

“ _My_ mistake?” And he knows he’s playing with fire, but he still kind of enjoys hearing him so on edge. “ _I’m_ not the one who rode off into the sunset with him. What, you finally grow a load of morals or something? Your timing is _shit_.”

 

“I wouldn’t have _had_ to if you’d fucking knocked him out properly in the first place! What the hell did you use on him anyway? Because it’s _shit_. Fucker woke up and pulled a gun on me, Ollie. Who’s fault do you think that is?”

 

The silence on the other end of the line feels almost like a victory.

 

“Look, man,” he hears the tremor in his voice, Todd has him rattled. All he has to do is keep pushing. “I don’t know what to tell you. He pulled a gun on you?”

 

“Yeah. Woke up in the back, got it off me before we got to the drop point. Told me to drive or he’d shoot, so I drove. It wouldn’t have been a _problem_ if you’d told me what I was dealing with, or just fucking made sure he wouldn’t wake up in the first place. I’ve been out for hours now.”

 

“Out?” Todd pokes at the bruising again, but there isn’t any blood when he pulls them back so he takes it as a good sign. “What happened? Where is he?”

 

“How the hell would I know? He clocked me over the head and took the car. If he’s smart he’ll dump it and get a new one. Looks like you lost him,” it sounds a little too flippant, but Ollie is panicking too much to notice by now and Todd tries not to be too surprised that he might _actually_ be getting away with this.

 

“ _Shit_. Shit. This is bad, man. What- he knocked you out?”

 

“You want me to come in and show you?” He hopes not. “Guess I’m not getting paid extra for that.”

 

“ _Shit_.”

 

“Don’t suppose I can get a ride home, either?”

 

“Fuck. I don’t- What the fuck am I meant to do?”

 

Todd shrugs, squinting at the road sign and trying to figure out how in the hell he’s going to get back to somewhere he recognises. “That’s your problem. But you aren’t gonna call me again.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

“You think I still want in after this? Fuck that, I quit.” His heart is racing in his chest and he can feel his palms grow sweaty. It’s the right thing to do, he tells himself. It’s a good thing.

 

“You can’t just quit!”

 

“Really? So you want me to come in and tell the big guy all about how you fucked up, lost your deal, and nearly got me killed? I’m sure that’ll go over _really_ well.”

 

“I- fucking _christ_ this is a mess.”

 

“Look,” he tones it down a bit, an attempt to keep it under his control. “You can keep the money,” even though it almost pains him to say it. He’s got enough saved up from previous jobs anyway. “But this is your mess, and I’m not involved any more. You don’t make a fuss about it, I won’t tell anyone what happened. The rest is up to you.”

 

“I- _fuck_ , yeah. Sure. Whatever.” He doesn’t sound entirely convinced.

 

“I mean it,” and this part is easier to put real conviction into. “If I hear from you again I’m going to your boss, if I hear from _him_ I’m going to the cops. I’m _done_ with this shit.” Threatening them with cops might not be the smartest move, but he’s so _close_ to finishing up with this and he _just_ needs him to believe he’s not fucking around. “And quit watching my sister.”

 

He hears Ollie sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a _dick_.”

 

“Yeah, that’s not news. Good luck with the shitshow.”

 

“Whatever, man. Better hope I don’t see you around.”

 

The dead silence of a disconnected line has never sounded so good.

 

Todd sits down on the roadside, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heartbeat as he tries to work out what the _hell_ he’s supposed to do next.

 

It _has_ to get better from here.

 

***

 

The problem with things getting better, is that they have to start somewhere not so great, and there’s no guarantee they’ll ever end up as anything more than just… _okay_.

 

Just like how the problem with rebuilding your life is that it generally requires your life to be torn down beforehand. Or at least that’s what Todd has realised. He’s also realised that he never needed anyone else to tear it down for him, because it turns out he’d been doing a pretty good job of that on his own for _years_ now.

 

At least like this his life is safer than it was.

 

Coming clean to Amanda about what he’d been doing had been one of the worst experiences of his life. Following up that admission with the fact that she was now potentially in danger and they needed to move somewhere new in order to be safe hadn’t been the easiest thing to convince her of, but he’d managed it in the end. She’s still not speaking to him, but he knows where she lives, and he knows she’s making friends here who are helping her get back some of what the illness had taken out of her. She won’t accept his money now she’s set up, and he’s not entirely sure how she’s paying for everything but she’s managing it. He feels the loss of her trust like an ache in his chest that he can’t stop poking at, and he doesn’t know if things will ever go back to the way they were before, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he can breathe a little easier. She sends him updates, even though he’s been told not to reply, and in the grand scheme of things, knowing she’s safe and happy is the most he can ask for.

 

It had taken a while to settle in, but he’s been working at the hotel for ten months now, and it’s starting to feel like he’d never been fired from his last job in the first place. Working shitty jobs to pay for shitty apartments is a routine he knows well, and while it’s perhaps a little boring it lets him keep a low profile. He still feels like he’s constantly going to be looking over his shoulder, even though he hasn’t heard a word from Ollie since that last phone call over a year ago. He spends a lot of time trying not to think about that period of his life, about just how easy it had been to fall into. About the way those few days he’d spent with Dirk are starting to feel more like a fever dream than something he actually lived through. He tries not to think about Dirk much at all, actually.

 

In the aftermath of his confession, Amanda had asked him where he thought he was. His answer then had been the same as it is now, he hasn’t got any idea. Despite his best efforts he finds himself thinking about him a lot. His life may be better than it was before, but it’s certainly lonelier too, repetitive and easy to go through the motions without thinking too hard about it. Dirk had given him a glimpse into something else, something bigger and brighter and _better_ , but whatever that was it left with him, and Todd knows it’s nothing he can find on his own.

 

When he _does_ think about him he hopes he’s safe, that he’s no longer being followed, or kidnapped, or given any reason to look as lost and afraid as he did the last time he saw him. Wonders about if he’s found someone to travel with, if he ever managed to get his detective agency up and running. Todd had googled him, but it hadn’t given him any solid results. Sometimes he sees a flash of yellow in the street and thinks _maybe_ , sometimes he hears the Spice Girls and with it the reminder of how he’d sounded, breathless with laughter as he sat next to him in the car. One time, when he’s maybe a little drunk, he tries tea with eight sugars just to see what the fuss is about. It’s predictably disgusting, but he drinks the whole thing anyway.

 

He wonders sometimes, in the early hours of the morning when he can’t sleep no matter how hard he tries, if Dirk always ends up where he needs to be, why he isn’t _here_.

 

He wonders if he ever wonders about him. If Dirk ever stays up at night, wondering where _he_ is, if _he’s_ safe, or if maybe he’d realised that cutting all ties to him was the best thing he could do for himself, all things considered.

 

There’s a _reason_ he tries not to think about him.

 

And yet the universe sometimes likes to make forgetting about him the most difficult thing in the world.

 

He’s been sat in the diner for over an hour, drinking overpriced and over-heated coffee just to get out of his flat. He may not have much cause to spend time with other people, but there are days when he thinks he might just go _insane_ if he has to stare at the same four walls any longer, even _with_ the company of his record collection. So on those days he comes and sits here like he is now, reading some article about the revival of post-punk on his phone, when his half empty, mostly cold cup of coffee disappears from right under his nose.

 

He assumes it’s the waitress giving him a not so subtle hint to buy more or get out, until he hears what sounds like someone choking, and looks up to see the person in question spitting said coffee back into the cup with a look of absolute betrayal on his face.

 

His _very_ familiar face.

 

“God, is _that_ what you’ve been drinking this whole time? No wonder you’re so grumpy, it’s _awful_.”

 

Todd just stares. And he continues to stare as Dirk shoves his coffee back towards him and drops down into the seat opposite, smiling like this is something he does every day.

 

“How-” he starts, but he can’t even think of what he’s supposed to say next. It doesn’t seem to matter, Dirk can talk enough for the both of them.

 

“I know! By all accounts it’s _very_ odd. You don’t write, you don’t call, anyone would think you didn’t care. But then here I am, minding my own business, well it’s _technically_ someone else’s business but someone _paid_ me to follow them so it’s my business too now, and _just_ when I might be _actually_ onto something, I look up and,” he laughs, holding his hands out towards him, “there you are.”

 

He should stop staring now. He _really_ should.

 

“But- I- you- _how?”_ is what he says instead. “What are you _doing_ here?”

 

Dirk’s smile softens as he shrugs his shoulders, leaning in a little closer and losing some of the bravado he’d had when he walked in. “I’m working a case. Local thing, _very_ interesting. I just… happened to be around.”

 

Todd’s staring turns to narrowing his eyes, perhaps a little suspicious. “You didn’t, I don’t know, look me up? Or something?”

 

Dirk raises an amused eyebrow. “Would anything come up if I _did_?”

 

Todd thinks back to his Mexican Funeral days, all of which are thoroughly documented on the internet where they will remain forever more, much to his chagrin.

 

“No,” he decides, shaking his head. “No, probably not.”

 

Something about Dirk’s face tells him that he’s going to do just that later. Todd is very good at digging his own grave.

 

“I told you,” there’s an edge to Dirk’s voice now, something vulnerable. “I just… go where I’m supposed to go. Following the universe. It brought me here and, well…” his eyes flicker up to Todd’s face and back down to the table top. “I thought… _maybe_ you’d be… happy to see me.”

 

It’s in that moment Todd realises he hasn’t actually given any reaction other than shock and mild suspicion, which is perhaps not the _best_ way to express how he’s feeling right now.

 

“I am,” he nods, quick to reassure him. “I _am_ happy to see you. It’s been- I didn’t… I didn’t think I’d see you again and… I totally would have called, or something, but it’s not like you left a number or anything so I’ve just been… hoping you’re okay. I guess.” It rushes out of him before he can stop it, too fast and too honest, but not anything he wants to take back. “You- You are, right? Okay, I mean?”

 

Now it’s Dirk’s turn to stare at him, wide-eyed like he’d never heard anyone say they’d thought about him before. It makes something in Todd’s chest ache.

 

“Oh, well, yes! I mean- yes, I’m doing… about as fine as is to be expected. Not bad, not _great_ but… well. You know how these things are sometimes. I’m… _safe_. As much as I ever am. So that’s _something_ at least,” he nods his way through the nervous jumble of words. “And- and _you_? Are you…?” His eyes are wide and concerned as he looks him over, like he’d quite forgotten Todd might _not_ be okay.

 

“Well there was this guy who hit me real hard on the head, but I think that turned out to be a good thing,” he teases. “I’m- Yeah. Okay is… it’s a good word for it. Amanda isn’t… we aren’t really talking right now, but she’s safe. And I’m safe. I guess I’m just… staying out of trouble.” He wrinkles his nose a little, not sure he likes the sound of that now he’s heard it out loud.

 

“Hm,” Dirk is watching him thoughtfully, and Todd hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed the particular look he’d get before he suggests something Todd can’t say no to. “That sounds _boring_.”

 

Todd laughs. “Yeah, well. That’s my life now I guess. _Boring_.” It’s not so bad, except for the way that he knows what life feels like when it’s _not_ boring, and nothing will ever quite live up to that.

 

“Well, it doesn’t _have_ to be,” Dirk says, leaning in conspiratorially. “And maybe it’s a little bit… _crazy_ , but I think I could use some help with this one. The case, I mean. If… maybe...  you wanted to tag along?”

 

Dirk sounds hopeful, and Todd feels his heart pick up as he tries to work out what exactly it is that he means by that.

 

“Are you offering me a job?”

 

“Well, I couldn’t _pay_ you. But the universe might!” He sits up a little straighter in his seat, clearly encouraged by the fact that Todd hadn’t flat out refused. “And… it might be fun? Maybe?”

 

“I…” He thinks back on the last few months. On how his life had settled, _sure_ , but it had left him feeling… incomplete. Like he was _missing_ something he couldn’t find on his own. Like he’d had something in the palm of his hand, but hadn’t managed to close his fingers in time to keep it there.

 

He thinks about the way Dirk had looked at him in the moments where they’d both forgotten what it was they were doing.

 

Everything is safer now, but he doesn’t know if that’s what he wants. If that’s _all_ he wants. He has no idea how much of the stuff that happened over those few days happened because of Dirk and the weird way the world works when he’s around, but he thinks he wants to find out.

 

He finds himself shrugging, smiling at Dirk across the table. “Sure.”

 

It feels like the easiest thing in the world to agree too, and he’s fairly certain that the smile he gets in return could power the entire city for a week.

 

“ _Brilliant_! Because also I could use a place to stay. Just for… well. I have no idea really, but at _least_ until the case is over.”

 

“Did you just… invite yourself to live with me?” Of course. How did he _not_ see this coming.

 

“Well,” Dirk drags the word out, grin still firmly in place. “Really it’s the _least_ you could do.”

 

“The least _I_ could do? For- No. You can go screw yourself,” he laughs, softening the edges of the words.

 

“I’m assuming you actually _have_ a bed this time? Because if you’re sleeping in your car then you’re the one going in the boot.” He’s being teased and he knows it, but it doesn’t quite stop him falling for it.

 

“I- Yeah, Dirk. Of course I have a bed.” He has exactly _one_ bed he realises not a moment later, and if Dirk catches the way the tips of his ears go slightly pink he either doesn’t understand why, or doesn’t care enough to comment.

 

“That’s settled then!” Just like that. Like everything in life is just that simple. He watches Dirk lean back into the worn leather of the seat he’s in, making himself comfortable in a way that feels familiar as he scans the menu, probably looking for tea.

 

He looks happy. Content. Like he isn’t planning on going anywhere else for the time being.

 

Todd really hopes that’s true.

 

“Hey,” he says softly, clearing his throat. “I, uh,” he shrugs, awkward with it but wanting to get the words out nonetheless. “I guess I kind of… missed you.”

 

The way Dirk looks at him, eyes wide and full of pleased surprise, is even better when it turns into a soft, shy smile he’s never seen on him before.

 

“Well, don’t worry,” he knocks their feet together under the table, trying to play it cool. “I’m here now.”

 

“Yeah…” Todd finds himself smiling at the thought. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Somehow, inexplicably, Dirk is very much here. This time Todd is going to try harder to keep it that way.

 

“And anyway, if I ever go missing I can count on you to kidnap me and bring me right back.”

 

“I _didn’t_ kidnap you!” he protests, but it’s mostly just for the protests sake. He’s too happy to really argue.

 

“Maybe not. But it the whole thing _sounds_ cooler if you say you did,” Dirk is raising his eyebrows, daring him to disagree. Todd ends up rolling his eyes.

 

“ _Fine_. But only if we listen to _my_ music next time,” if he’d had to endure the mess that was Dirk’s music taste he could at least _try_ to get a little musical culture into him. Force-fed or otherwise.

 

“Oh, I didn’t realise next time includes _torture_. I wouldn't have signed up for it if I had.”

 

Todd snorts, “I see you haven’t changed much.” It’s reassuring though, he likes being able to recognise things in him. He wants the chance to learn more.

 

“I’ve been told I get worse the longer you stay with me,” he warns, only half teasing.

 

“Yeah?” he asks, tilting his head in concession, a small smile making its way onto his face at the thought. “I think I can manage that.”

 

Dirk watches him carefully, assessing something for a moment, before he reaches out slowly to slot their fingers together on the table top.

 

“Good.”

 

Todd glances between their hands and his face, the flutter of that _something_ that he’d missed so much starting to stir in his chest as he squeezes his hand, just to have Dirk squeeze back.

 

He thinks _good_ might just be an understatement, but at least it’s a start. At least it’s something he knows he can work with.

 

 _Good_ , he thinks, is perfect. Because when something starts out _good_ , it can always get _better_ , and if there’s one thing he’s learned about Dirk, it’s that he always makes him _want_ to be better.

 

He’s still not too sure how he feels about the universe, but if it sees fit to gift him a second chance, this time he won’t hesitate to take it. It might be enough just to try. 

**Author's Note:**

> So! There we go. Did it! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! This was a lot of work, and I like getting words in return for these words so if you enjoyed it, let me know! I hope you like it, I'd ask you to be nice but I already know you're a lovely lot.
> 
> You can catch me at [kieren-fucking-walker](http://kieren-fucking-walker.tumblr.com) on tumblr if you want to yell at me/talk to me about Dirk Gently/generally freak out over these two idiots.
> 
> Hopefully I'll see you around, and I'll be back on my regular bullshit soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


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